Title: Touched by Darkness
Author: agt_spooky
Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 19,845 (total for three parts)
Genre: Angst, First-time
Warnings/Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: It’s RPS, people. It never happened, but I wish it would. :-)
Author’s Notes: Many thanks, as always, to my wonderful beta, charityflint, for all her input. Thanks, sweetie!

Summary: An accident on set changes Jensen and Jared’s relationship forever.

Touched by Darkness

By AgtSpooky
January 15, 2007

It was a night shoot like dozens of others before it.  It was a special effects shot like dozens of others before it as well.

But in a heartbeat, everything can change.

~~~~~

The early October night was chilly, the air damp with the promise of rain. Jared delivered his last lines of the night, then walked off camera, wanting nothing more than to get home and get some much needed sleep.

He turned as he reached his director’s chair, watching as Jensen finished up the scene. Dean was in his pyromaniac bliss, getting ready to strike the match and toss it down into the grave.

First shot would be a close-up of Jensen as he struck the match then made to flick it down onto the fake bones. Next shot would be a close-up of the fake bones burning, after the effects guys turned on the gas jets hidden underneath the prop.

"Take that, bitch."

Jared heard Jensen say Dean’s line and watched as Jensen leaned over the grave and struck the match.

The explosion was intense, lighting up the night sky in a blinding ball of red and orange fire, debris shooting up into the air to rain back down upon the earth.

Jared stared, uncomprehending, as his best friend was lifted up off his feet and thrown backwards, slamming back down onto the ground, landing on his side.

Jared was moving before anyone else was, sprinting across the grass, vaguely hearing yelling and shouting from the crew, but his entire focus was on Jensen, who was rolling back and forth, hands covering his face.

Over the pounding of his heart he could hear Jensen’s cries of pain, and a chill raced down his spine at the sound. He covered the distance in long strides, dropping down heavily beside his friend, knees digging into the dirt.

"Jensen! Jensen!" He grasped Jensen’s shoulders, stopping his movement, rolling him over onto his back.

"Fuck, Jare, it hurts!" Jensen gasped. His hands still covered his face, and Jared could see small, bleeding cuts on the back of Jensen’s hands and forearms.

"Jesus, Jen," Jared choked out, lightly grasping Jensen’s wrists, feeling small tremors racing under his skin. "Put your hands down, Jen, let me see," he urged.

But Jensen twisted, turning his face away. "No! It burns!"

"Please, Jen, you’ve gotta let me see!" Jared fought to quell his panic at his friend’s pain, again turning Jensen onto his back.

This time Jensen let him move his hands away, and Jared was relieved to see just a number of small cuts, like those on his arms, instead of a large wound like he had feared.

By this time the set had erupted into a flurry of activity and people were everywhere, yelling, advancing on Jared and Jensen. Suddenly Kim was there beside them, a hand on Jared’s shoulder.

"Paramedics are on the way," he told Jared, worry lacing his voice. "How is he?"

Jared swallowed. "I’m not really sure," he answered, then turned back to Jensen. "Jen, can you open your eyes? How bad are they hurting you?"

Jensen moved his eyelids in small movements, blinking, until his eyes were fully open. Jared saw no blood and began to relax when Jensen started moving his head back and forth in jerky motions, eyes moving rapidly. One of his hands shot out, connecting with Jared’s leg.

"Jare? Jare?"

The panic was back full force at the tremble in Jensen’s voice. He caught his friend’s hand. "I’m right here, Jen. What is it? What’s wrong?"

I can’t – " Jensen’s breath caught, "I can’t see…"

~~~~~

The wait for the paramedics seemed interminable, when in reality it was maybe five minutes. But when your friend tells you he can no longer see, each minute seems like an hour as you try to keep him calm.

Then Jared could only stand by, helpless, as he watched Jensen being loaded into the ambulance.

"Come on," Kim said as they watched the truck drive away, red and white lights piercing the darkness. "Let’s get you to the hospital."

~~~~~

Jared was pacing the waiting room in the ER like a caged animal when Eric arrived.

"Have you – ?" Eric started, and Jared shook his head.

"The doctor’s still with him."

Eric sat down heavily in one of the cracked plastic chairs. "Kim said he can’t see?"

Jared’s jaw clenched, Jensen’s scared voice echoing in his head, and he could only nod.

"Mr. Padalecki?"

Jared’s head turned at the voice, seeing that it belonged to a 40-something man with close cropped dark hair in hospital scrubs and a white lab coat. His nametag read Dr. Ellison.

"You’re here for Mr. Ackles?" the man questioned as Jared moved towards him.

"Yes," Jared answered. "Please, how is he?"

Dr. Ellison blew out a breath and crossed his arms over his chest. "Well, Mr. Ackles has suffered corneal flash burns on both eyes, as a result of the explosion. At this point, he is still unable to see."

"At this point?" Eric repeated. "So this isn’t permanent?"

"I have every hope that Mr. Ackles’s eyesight will return," Dr. Ellison answered. But before Jared could take a relieved breath, the doctor continued. "I have to be honest with you, though. There is always a chance that the damage is too severe, being as close as he was, and permanent blindness is a possibility."

For a long moment, Jared forgot how to breathe. No. No, he refused to believe…

"He’ll need to stay here overnight." Dr. Ellison’s voice cut through his thoughts and he focused on what the older man was saying. "His eyes are bandaged and will need to remain that way for the next few days. He’s been given antibiotic eye drops to prevent any infection from particles of the debris."

"Is he in any pain?" Jared questioned.

"He was," Dr. Ellison acknowledged. "But we also gave him a drug to relax the muscles of the eyes to help with the healing process and to lessen the pain from the eye muscle spasms."

"Can we see him?" Eric asked.

Dr. Ellison nodded. "Of course. He’s just been moved into a private room. Upstairs, number 223. He’s groggy from the pain medication and needs to rest, so please only stay for a few minutes."

Jared and Eric agreed and Dr. Ellison turned and walked away, back towards the exam rooms.

"C’mon, let’s go see him." Eric placed his hand on Jared’s arm.

But Jared shook him off. "Not before you tell me what the HELL happened back there, Eric!" Jared exploded. "Jensen could’ve been KILLED!"

Eric took a step back at Jared’s thunderous expression. "I don’t know, Jared, I really don’t. Kim’s working with the fire department and the police. We’ll get to the bottom of this, I promise."

"Damn straight you will." And with that, Jared turned on his heel and strode over to the elevators, angrily slapping the UP button.

~~~~~~

Jared slowly pushed open the door to room 223 and stepped inside, Eric behind him. They moved around the curtain and Jared swallowed hard at the sight.

Jensen lay quietly in the hospital bed, his complexion paler than normal. Round, white bandages covered both eyes, taped down, with a strip of gauze then wrapped across them and around Jensen’s head. The cuts on his face and hands had been tended to and no longer oozed blood.

Jared approached the bed and sat down in the chair next to it. He reached over and laid his hand on Jensen’s arm. The older man stirred at the touch, turning his head toward Jared.

"Hmmm.."

"Jen? Can you hear me?" Jared asked softly.

"Jare? Iz zat you?" Jensen slurred.

"Yeah. Yeah, man, it’s me."

"Hmmm…"

"Jen? Did the doctor talk to you? Tell you what’s going on with your eyes?"

Jensen’s head lolled back. " ‘m tired…eyes hurt."

Realizing Jensen was too disorientated, under the influence of the pain medication, Jared simply squeezed his friend’s arm. "Just go to sleep, Jen. Everything’s going to be Ok."

Jensen sighed in response and his head tipped further away from Jared.

Jared looked toward where Eric was standing, silent, at the foot of the bed. He rose from the chair and motioned Eric to follow him out into the hall. They let the door close behind them as Jared said, "I’m spending the night here with him."

Eric shook his head. "The hospital’s not going to let you –"

Jared advanced on the smaller man, using his height to his advantage. "Make it happen, Eric," he growled. "You saw him. He’s completely out of it, and blind. If he wakes up he’ll be panicked and no one will be there." He pressed a finger to Eric’s chest. "I’m not leaving him."

"Ok, Ok," Eric conceded, holding up his hands. "I’ll go talk to someone."

Jared nodded, and as Eric walked off down the hall he pushed open the door to Jensen’s room again. He took his place in the chair once more and looked at his sleeping friend.

He took a shaky breath. "You’re gonna be fine," he whispered. "Everything’s gonna be fine."

He only hoped he wasn’t lying to his friend.

~~~~~

Twenty minutes later the door opened and an orderly walked in, pushing a cot in front of him. A nurse was behind him with blankets and a pillow, and Eric was trailing behind. Jared stood and crossed over to him.

"Thank you," he said softly, heartfelt.

Eric nodded and gave him a small smile. "I need to talk to you for a minute," he told Jared. "Let them get you set up in here. C’mon."

Out in the hall, Eric sighed. "Kim called me a minute ago. The police and fire department’s preliminary investigation is saying it was a gas explosion."

"Gas?" Jared questioned. "From the –"

"Yeah," Eric confirmed. "Looks like there was a small leak in one of the pipes leading under the coffin and bones. And when Jensen lit the match…"

"Son of a BITCH!" Jared exploded. "How the hell does something like this happen, Eric?!"

Eric shook his head. "I don’t know, Jared, I really don’t. It’s obviously inexcusable and I’ll find out what went wrong, I swear." He took a breath then continued. "In the meantime, I’ll make sure Jensen has the best care, and of course the studio will be paying for everything…"

"You’d better believe they will," Jared said forcefully, interrupting him, then pointed at Eric. "Heads had better roll over this, Eric."

Then he turned and left Eric standing in the hallway, wanting to get back to Jensen.

~~~~~

Hours later Jared was jolted from his fitful sleep by the sound of Jensen’s arm hitting against the side rail on the bed.

"Wha-"

Jensen’s groggy voice came to him as he untangled himself from the blankets, hurrying to get to his friend’s side. In the dim light of the room Jared could see Jensen’s hands coming up to pull at the bandages.

"What’s going on? What –"

Jared quickly lowered the side rail, sat on the edge of the bed and reached out and took hold of Jensen’s wrists. The older man jolted at the unexpected touch. "Who’s – "

"Jen, it’s me," Jared spoke softly.

"Jared? What’s going on? Why can’t I see?" Jared could hear the touch of panic in his voice. He tried again to reach for the bandages, but Jared gently brought his arms down, leaving his hands over Jensen’s wrists.

"Do you remember anything about last night?" Jared asked.

"Last…?" Jensen started, and when he paused Jared knew it had all come back to him.

"How…how bad is it?" Jensen asked, voice flat. "My eyes?"

"You don’t remember the doctor talking to you last night?"

Jensen shook his head, and Jared said, "That’s Ok, you were pretty out of it after they gave you the pain meds."

"Just tell me, Jared. How bad is it?"

"You’ve got flash burns to both your eyes," Jared started. "They gave you antibiotic eye drops and drops so that your eyes don’t have muscle spasms while they’re healing." Jensen remained silent, so Jared continued. "You’ll need to keep the bandages on for the next couple of days."

Jared could see Jensen relax slightly. "That’s not so bad, then, right? Few days like this and I’ll be good as new," he finished with a small grin.

"Jen…" Jared hesitated, trying to find the words. "The doctor is optimistic, yeah…"

Jared could feel Jensen go still. "What aren’t you telling me?"

Jared fought past the tightening in his throat. "Because you were so close to the explosion, the damage might be more severe than the doctor thinks…"

"Are you saying I might be blind?" Jensen’s voice was cold.

Jared squeezed Jensen’s wrists. "We don’t know that. Don’t you dare start thinking like that. You’re going to be fine."

Jensen was silent for a long minute, and Jared realized he was absently rubbing his thumb across the skin of Jensen’s wrist.

"Do you know what happened?" Jensen asked abruptly. "What caused the explosion?"

Jared sighed, realizing the topic of Jensen’s eyesight was closed.

"Yeah. Kim said that there was a leak in one of the gas lines under the coffin." Jared’s anger was back at the situation and he raked a hand through his long hair. "Those assholes. You could’ve been killed."

Jensen reached out and knocked his hand against Jared’s leg. "Nah, we Texas boys are too damn tough."

Jared couldn’t help but smile, glad that Jensen could find humor in all of this.

"What time is it, anyway? How long have I been out?"

Jared looked at his watch. "It’s just after 2 a.m." he answered.

Jensen cocked his head. "2 a.m.? What the hell are you doing here?"

Jared felt his face go hot, grateful that Jensen couldn’t see. "I’m…spending the night."

Jensen’s mouth opened a bit, closed. "Jare," he started, voice soft. "You didn’t have to –"

"I know. I wanted to," Jared replied. "I didn’t want you waking up just like you did, confused, you can’t see, and no one would be here."

Jared saw Jensen swallow, then reach out and find Jared’s arm, wrapping his fingers around it. "Thanks," he replied, voice rough.

"Anytime, man," Jared said quietly. "Do you think you can go back to sleep? Do you need anything? Eyes bothering you?"

Jensen paused just long enough before he said, "I’m fine," that Jared knew he was lying.

"C’mon man, stop with the tough guy act. Your eyes are bothering you, aren’t they?"

Jensen set his jaw and that was the only acknowledgment Jared needed, stubborn idiot that his friend was. Jared patted Jensen’s leg and rose from the bed.

"I’ll be back in a minute with the nurse."

The nurse turned out to be Christiane, a happy, smiling woman in her early thirties with shoulder length dark hair and brown eyes.

"Hello, Mr. Ackles. I’m the night nurse, Christiane," she started, but Jensen quickly cut her off. "Christiane – that’s a beautiful name," he said with a grin and she blushed, stammering a thank you. "And please, call me Jensen."

Jared finally had to chuckle at the exchange, rolling his eyes. "Dude, you’re not Dean."

"Dude, she has a needle and I can’t see," Jensen replied patiently, humor coloring his words. "Always pays to be nice to a woman with a sharp object."

Christiane laughed. "A little flirting will go a long way," she replied good naturedly. "In fact, I’ll even stick you in your arm instead of…somewhere else."

Jensen’s mouth dropped open, Jared let loose with a laugh and Christiane took the opportunity to quickly stick Jensen with the needle.

"There you go, didn’t feel a thing, did you?" Christiane asked with a smile, then turned to leave. "Now you boys keep it down in here. No wild parties," she winked and walked out the door.

Jared chuckled again and sat on the edge of the bed. "I’m proud of ya, Jen. You didn’t even cry. Want a lollipop?"

Jensen’s hand came up and pushed Jared off the bed. "Bitch."

"Jerk."

Jared smiled as he laid back down on the cot and closed his eyes. Everything was going to be just fine.

~~~~~

The next morning a different nurse came in to check on Jensen, and to tell him he would be released later that day.

Jared told the older man he needed to run home and let the dogs out before they tore the place down.

"Hey," Jensen called as Jared went to walk past the bed. "Thanks again…for last night."

Jared reached out and squeezed Jensen’s shoulder. "I’ll be back to spring you later."

~~~~~

Jared had no more than stepped outside the hospital doors and his phone started ringing. He fished it out of his pocket and checked the display: Tom.

He flipped it open, and before he could even say hello, Tom was practically yelling in his ear.

"Jesus, Jared, it’s all over the lot this morning! What the hell happened? Is Jensen all right?"

Jared leaned against the brick wall of the building, out of everyone’s way as he talked to Tom, explaining about the gas explosion and Jensen’s condition. He finished with a shaky breath.

"I’m scared for him, Tom," he admitted. "If he can’t – "

"Don’t." Tom’s voice was firm, cutting him off. "Don’t you start thinking like that. Positive thoughts only, you hear me? Jensen doesn’t need to hear any doubt in your voice or he’ll start doubting, too."

Jared nodded, even though Tom couldn’t see him. "Yeah. Yeah, you’re right."

"Of course I am." Jared could hear Tom smile. "Can Mike and I stop by the hospital and see him?"

"He’s being released later today. I’ll tell him you guys want to stop by and I’ll call you later."

"Ok, sounds good. Tell him that Mike and I are thinking about him."

"I will, Tom. I’ll talk to you soon."

~~~~~

Two hours later, having returned home to shower, shave, change into clean clothes and take care of the dogs, Jared was back at the hospital, walking down the hallway to Jensen’s room.

He saw both Kim and Eric standing outside Jensen’s door as he turned the corner, talking to each other. Jared interrupted their conversation as he approached, indicating the door to Jensen’s room.

"Everything Ok?"

Kim nodded. "The doctor’s in talking with him."

"Have you found out anything more about the explosion?"

Kim shook his head. "Not yet. The effects company is being grilled as to why the leak wasn’t detected. Obviously no one’s stepping up to take the blame."

"Let me know what happens, Ok?"

"Of course."

Just then the door opened and the doctor indicated they could come in. By the stiff way Jensen was sitting up in bed and the set of his jaw, Jared immediately knew the positive mood from last night and this morning was gone – replaced by worry and uncertainty now that the doctor had talked to him.

"Hey, Jen, it’s me," Jared greeted him. "Kim and Eric are here, too."

Kim walked up to Jensen’s side and laid his hand on the younger man’s shoulder. "You holding up Ok, kid? Everyone on the set’s thinking about you."

Jensen gave a short nod. "I’m doin’ Ok."

And if you were anyone but Jared, who knew Jensen better than anyone, you would’ve believed that.

"Jensen," Eric spoke up, "I can’t tell you how sorry I am that this happened. There’s no excuse for the carelessness that caused the explosion. Whatever you need – "

Dr. Ellison broke in. "I was just telling Mr. Ackles that he can be discharged in about an hour. He’ll need to come back the day after tomorrow to have the bandages removed. In the meantime he’ll need care at home."

"The studio will arrange for a nurse – " Eric began, but Jared sharply cut him off.

"No. I’ll do it. I’ll stay with Jensen."

The thought of some stranger taking care of his friend…no, that just wasn’t going to happen.

"Jare, no." Jensen spoke up. "You don’t have to do this."

It echoed their conversation from last night, and Jared again repeated himself. "I know. I want to." He paused. "Or, I mean, if you’d rather have the nurse…"

"No," Jensen said quickly. "No, I’d rather have you stay with me."

Jared turned back to Dr. Ellison and Eric. "Ok, it’s settled then. What time does he need to be back here on Thursday to take the bandages off?"

"Have him back here at 11 a.m., please," Dr. Ellison answered. "I’ll have his discharge papers brought in in just a little while and then Mr. Ackles is free to go."

"Thank you, Doctor," Eric shook his hand as Dr. Ellison left the room.

"Ok, we’ll leave the two of you to get Jensen ready to go," Kim said. "We’ll call and check up on you tomorrow, Jen. And if we hear anything more about the accident I’ll be sure to let both of you know."

"Thanks, Kim," Jensen replied, and he and Eric walked out the door.

Jared turned back to Jensen. "How’re you feeling? Eyes bothering you?"

"Not too much, just a dull ache. Much better than yesterday."

"Good." Jared sat next to Jensen on the bed. "So…the doc talked to you this morning?"

Jensen nodded, fingers twisting the blanket.

"He told you that he expects you to be just fine, right?"

"Yep." Short, clipped.

"Jen…"

Jensen’s voice was strong. "I’m sorry, Jare, but when you’re told that there’s a possibility that you might be permanently blind it weighs pretty heavy on you."

"And if that’s all you keep thinking about it’s going to crush you." Jared’s response was just as strong. "You’re going to be fine, do you hear me?"

Jensen cracked a smile. "I’m blind, not deaf."

Jared huffed out a laugh. "Alright, then, now that that’s settled, I’m gonna run home and pack some clothes and stuff, call Tom and see if he can take the dogs for the next couple of days, then drop them off. By the time I get back you should be all set to go." He stood up. "You need anything before I take off?"

Jensen shook his head. "Jare…you’re really going above and beyond, here. Sleeping here last night, and now staying with me for the next few days…" He reached out a hand and Jared caught it, felt Jensen squeeze it. "Thanks, man," he said softly, sincerely.

Jared felt his stomach flutter at Jensen’s words, and all he could do was squeeze his friend’s hand in reply.

~~~~~~

On the drive home, Jared called Tom, told him he’d be staying at Jensen’s for the next two days and could he please watch the dogs for him?

"Sure, man," Tom agreed. "Bring your beasts over here. Oh, and don’t forget their food! Last time they nearly ate me out of house and home."

Jared laughed, said thanks and Tom again asked about seeing Jensen.

"Let me get him home and get him settled and I’ll see if he wants any visitors."

"How’s he doing?"

Jared sighed. "About as good as can be expected, really. He’s worried, and I can’t blame him. I’d be, too. But I’m trying to keep him positive."

"If anyone can, you can," Tom responded.

Jared smiled. "Thanks for the vote of confidence. I’ll call you later."

~~~~~

Back at the hospital about an hour later, Jared found Jensen sitting on the side of his bed and dressed in the clothes he was brought into the hospital wearing yesterday.

"Hey, man, it’s me," he greeted Jensen as he walked into the room, pushing a wheelchair. "Ready to go?"

Jensen held up the sheaf of papers in his hand. "I’m a free man."

"Good, ‘cause I got your ride. Not as pretty as the Impala, sorry."

Jensen stood up from the bed. "I don’t care. Just get me outta here."

A little maneuvering got the older man settled into the wheelchair and Jared was soon pushing him out the front doors of the hospital. His truck was parked out front and he helped Jensen into the passenger seat before climbing into the driver’s side and pulling out of the parking lot.

The ride to Jensen’s rented house on the outskirts of Vancouver was quiet, Jared unsure if Jensen was dozing or not, unable to see his eyes. The older man wasn’t speaking, and if he was resting, Jared didn’t want to disturb him, so he let him be.

He laid a hand on Jensen’s arm when they pulled up to his house and Jensen stirred at the touch.

"We’re home, Jen."

Jensen nodded, opened the door, and slid out, waiting for Jared to come around to his side and lead him up the driveway and front walk. It was easy for Jared to tell by the tension in Jensen’s body, radiating from the hand on his arm, that Jensen was already getting tired of being led around like a child.

Once in the front door, Jared stood awkwardly for a moment, unsure of what to do. "Umm, do you want to be out here in the living room, or – "

"Actually," Jensen began, "I know all I’ve done is lay in bed since yesterday, but I’m kinda tired."

"Hey, no problem," Jared replied. "You’re healing. It’s good that you want to rest." He gently took Jensen by his upper arm. "C’mon, let’s get you upstairs."

They made their way slowly up the stairs and down the short hallway to Jensen’s bedroom. The older man sat down on the bed with a tired sigh, then began pulling off his dirty, torn shirt.

"Oh hey, watch the bandages." Jared moved and stretched the neck of the shirt wider so that it wouldn’t snag the gauze as Jensen lifted it off his head. He took the garment from his friend with a frown.

"I’m afraid it’s pretty trashed, Jen."

Jensen shrugged, bending over to untie his boots. "Toss it for me, will ya?"

"Sure, no – " Jared stopped himself as he got a look at Jensen’s bare back, the right side covered in a large, purple bruise where the older man had landed hard after the explosion.

"Jesus, Jen," Jared reached out, fingers skimming along his friend’s skin, trying to ignore the tingle it sent up his hand. "Does it hurt? Can I do anything?"

Jensen straightened up with a slight grimace. "It’s not too bad, just kinda stiff."

"You’ve got a heating pad here, don’t you? Want me to get it for you?"

"Yeah, that’d be great, thanks." Jensen stood up and began to unzip his pants.

Jared swallowed and turned around abruptly. "Ok, umm, I’ll get you some aspirin, too."

He left the room and located the heating pad in the linen closet, then got the aspirin and a glass of water from the bathroom before going back to Jensen’s room. He stopped in the doorway, taking a minute to just look at his friend, stretched out on his stomach in just a pair of dark blue boxer shorts. He felt his stomach give a little flutter as he walked in and stopped beside the bed. He laid the heating pad down on the mattress, put the water on the bedside table and shook two aspirin out of the bottle.

"Here ya go, Jen."

Jensen raised up and Jared put the aspirin in his open hand, waited until he popped the tablets in his mouth then gave him the glass of water. Jensen finished the water and laid back down again, slipping his arms under his pillow, head turned to the side.

Jared plugged in the heating pad, then laid it carefully over Jensen’s bruised back. "Oh, I almost forgot. Tom’s been calling. He and Mike want to come over and see you."

Jensen picked his head up with a sharp, "No," prompting Jared to lay his hand on his friend’s back at the forceful reply. "I mean, I just don’t want to see anyone right now, Ok?"

"Yeah. Yeah, sure." Jared rubbed his thumb on Jensen’s warm skin, feeling the tension there. "I’ll call them and tell them not right now."

Jensen gave a little nod and put his head back down on the pillow.

"I’ll let you get some sleep. Just yell if you need anything." Jared stood, reluctantly removing his hand from Jensen’s back, and left the room, looking back one more time at his friend.

~~~~~

For the next little while Jared busied himself around the house, bringing in his clothes and things from the truck and getting himself situated in the guest bedroom, right across the hall from Jensen’s room. Smartest thing Jensen ever did, renting this house with two bedrooms. With the amount of time he and Jensen spent together here it was a blessing not to try and cram himself onto the too-short couch when he spent the night.

Jensen’s living room was, as usual, a mess, not to mention the kitchen, so Jared spent the better part of two hours cleaning up, and taking stock of what food Jensen had in the house. Satisfied there was enough around to make dinner, Jared collapsed onto the couch and pulled out his cell phone.

"Tom? Hey, it’s me. I asked Jen about you guys coming over, but…he’s not really feeling up to visitors."

"Is he doing Ok?"

"Yeah, he’s upstairs resting right now." Jared cast a glance at the stairs and lowered his voice. "I just don’t think he wants anyone seeing him like this, you know?"

He heard Tom’s frustrated sigh. "Pig-headed idiot."

Jared cracked a smile. "No argument there."

"Listen, if you guys need anything give me or Mike a call, alright?"

"Will do, man, thanks."

He hung up with Tom and tossed the phone on the coffee table, then leaned his head back against the couch cushions and closed his eyes.

He was awakened sometime later by a noise from upstairs, and as he opened his eyes he realized a few hours must have passed, as the living room was growing dark. He looked up the stairs and saw Jensen in the hallway, hand extended in front of him.

Jared jumped up from the couch and made his way up the stairs. "Hey," he said as he reached his friend. "I told you to call me if you needed anything."

"Just…gotta pee," Jensen mumbled. "Didn’t want to bother you."

"You’re not a bother, Jen," Jared softly reminded him. "Now c’mon before you burst."

"Oh, ha, ha," Jensen replied dryly as Jared led him into the bathroom and stopped him in front of the toilet.

"I’ll just…be outside," Jared told him as he backed out of the room and closed the door.

Jensen was out a few minutes later and Jared asked him if he wanted to go back to bed or if he felt like eating some dinner. The rumbling of Jensen’s stomach was all the answer Jared needed.

They headed back to Jensen’s room where Jared got out a clean t-shirt and sweatpants that Jensen put on before the men headed downstairs.

In the kitchen, Jensen sat in one of the chairs while Jared whipped up a spaghetti dinner with garlic toast and two glasses of lemonade. He kept up a steady stream of conversation with Jensen, glad when the older man took part.

Dinner ready, Jared set a plate in front of Jensen, then took a seat across from him.

"Ok, silverware’s on your left, garlic toast is on your right and your lemonade is also to your left."

"Thanks, man," Jensen replied as he found his fork and dug into the spaghetti. "Wow, that’s good," he remarked around a mouthful.

"Just call me Chef Boyardee," Jared smiled, watching as Jensen carefully felt for his glass of lemonade and took a drink.

"God, that hospital food was awful," Jensen told him, swallowing around more noodles. "How they expect people to get better feeding them that crap is beyond me."

"Be thankful that you only had to be there for a day, then." Jared took a drink of his own lemonade then snapped his fingers as he remembered something. "Hey, the Stars are playing the Leafs tonight. Bet we can catch the game on the radio."

"Yeah, that’d be cool," Jensen smiled, reaching once again for his lemonade. "The Leafs need a – "

Too late, Jared saw that Jensen had miscalculated his reach as Jensen’s hand knocked into the glass, tipping it over and sending liquid spilling over the table and onto the floor.

"Shit!" Jensen swore. He stood abruptly, his chair scraping back and nearly toppling over. The napkin he’d been holding was thrown angrily onto the table. "Goddammit!"

Jared jumped up, catching Jensen by his wrist. Jensen tried to pull away, but Jared held fast. "Jen! Stop! It’s Ok, it was just an accident!"

Jensen’s jaw was set tight, the muscles under Jared’s hand rigid. "I’m sorry," Jensen got out.

Jared gave Jensen’s wrist a gentle squeeze. "Nothing to apologize for. It was an accident. Now c’mon and sit back down, Ok?"

Jensen nodded and Jared let go of his wrist, watching as Jensen felt behind him for where the chair had moved to before sitting down.

It didn’t take long for Jared to clean up the spill, and when he was finished he found one of Jensen’s empty sports bottles in the cabinet and filled it halfway with lemonade. He chastised himself for not thinking of this to begin with as he popped the top up.

He cast a worried glance over his shoulder at his friend, sitting still and quiet at the table, not eating. It had only been a day and this was already taking its toll on Jensen – this feeling of helplessness.

Jared took a breath and went back over to the table, touching Jensen’s hand. "Here you go. I put some more in your sports bottle."

"Don’t really want anymore. Not hungry."

"You only had a few bites, Jen…"

"Jared."

"Ok, ok," Jared backed down with a sigh, sitting down to eat his dinner. But try as he might to get Jensen to talk to him, all he received were one or two word responses.

Jared’s appetite disappeared quickly as well, as he watched his friend withdraw into himself. He finally pushed away from the table and cleared the dishes, then led Jensen out into the living room. He flipped on the radio and found the hockey game, which was just getting started.

All Jared could think was, "thank god for sports" when Jensen started to come out of his funk as Dallas pulled ahead. Jensen started making comments, talking back to the radio as if the players could hear him, and by the time the game ended and Dallas had won, there was an honest to god smile on Jensen’s face. And an answering one on Jared’s.

It had gotten late and both men were yawning, so there was no protest from Jensen when Jared suggested they pack it in for the night. And when they turned from the couch to go toward the stairs, this time it was Jensen who reached out and took Jared’s arm, instead of the other way around.

Once upstairs, they headed into the bathroom, which had a double sink, and they each took care of brushing their teeth at the same time. Finished, they walked down the hall to Jensen’s room and the older man sank down onto the mattress, pulling off his t-shirt.

"Hey, Jen? Would you mind leaving your door open tonight? In case you need something so I can hear you?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Ok, umm, g’night, then."

"Wait. Jare?"

Jensen’s low voice stopped Jared and he turned and walked closer to the other man. "Yeah?"

"I’m – I’m sorry for being an ass tonight."

Jared sat down beside his friend. "Jen…"

"This…isn’t easy for me. I hate having to depend on people. And all you’re trying to do is help me and I – "

"Jen, it’s Ok. You’re angry that this happened to you and you have every right to be. It never should’ve happened."

"Still. I shouldn’t take it out on you. I’m sorry." Jensen reached over and laid his hand on Jared’s thigh. "You’re a good friend, Jare," he said quietly. "Thank you for doing all of this. For helping me."

All Jared could focus on was the warmth of Jensen’s palm as it soaked through his jeans and the nearness of his friend’s body. "I’m glad to do it, Jen," he replied softly.

And for just an instant, the air felt…charged, as they sat there side by side in the dark. Jared felt Jensen lean toward him, his hand flexing on Jared’s leg before sliding away, breaking the moment.

Jared cleared his throat, feeling his skin flush, and stood up. "Night, Jen," he whispered, and quickly left the room.

His dreams that night, not surprisingly, were filled with a handsome, green-eyed man.

~~~~~

The next morning Jared was making pancakes when he heard Jensen moving around upstairs. He went halfway up the stairs, quietly, to observe his friend. Jensen hadn’t called down for help with anything, but he wanted to be there, just in case. He nodded, watching as Jensen walked out from the doorway of his room, his left arm extended out in front of him. He carefully made his way directly across the hall until his hand touched the doorjamb of Jared’s room. Jensen turned to the right, fingers trailing along the wall until he touched the doorjamb of the bathroom, then went inside, closing the door behind him.

"That’s my boy," Jared smiled as he went back down the stairs to the kitchen.

Breakfast was ready when Jensen made his way slowly down the stairs and into the kitchen, taking a seat at the table.

"Morning," Jared greeted him.

He was greeted in return by a grunt, customary Jensen morning-speak for "I haven’t had my coffee yet", something Jared had heard many times, picking Jensen up for an early morning call.

Jared chuckled, setting down a mug in front of his friend, placing Jensen’s hand on it. "It’s hot, take it easy," he warned.

As he turned back to the stove, he heard an appreciative sigh from behind him. He chuckled as he flipped a pancake off the griddle and onto a plate.

"Mmmmm, that’s good," he heard Jensen say.

Jared scooped some scrambled eggs next to the pancakes, added two pieces of bacon, then set the plate in front of Jensen.

"How you can drink that stuff black is beyond me."

"’Cause that’s how real men drink coffee, Francis. Not that half-caf mocha latte crap that you like."

Jared laughed. "Shut up and eat your breakfast. Pancakes on the left, eggs on the right, on top, bacon below the eggs."

Jensen picked up his fork in a salute and dug in.

Two helpings each later, both men sat back with a satisfied sigh.

"First dinner last night and now breakfast this morning. If you’re not careful I’m gonna keep you here," Jensen said with a smile, lifting up his mug to finish off his second cup.

Jared felt his face warm. "Want anymore coffee or do you feel like a human being again?"

"Actually, I feel like road kill," Jensen admitted. "I haven’t had a chance to clean up since the morning all this happened. I need to get in the shower."

Jared had a horrible flash of Jensen stepping wrong, slipping, miscalculating something and falling in the shower.

Not wanting to make it seem that Jensen couldn’t handle showering, Jared thought fast.

"Yeah, you do look like something the cat dragged in," he teased. "But, umm, how ‘bout a bath instead? You’ll get your bandages wet from the shower spray and you need to keep them dry. And a good soak would help your back, too."

Jared waited as Jensen considered what Jared had said, the older man’s head cocked a bit to the side.

"Ok," Jensen agreed. "As long as you don’t try and slip any fru-fru bubble bath stuff in there."

Jared barked out a laugh. "You mean you’ve got that stuff here?"

"No, but I’ve seen it in your bathroom Mr. Sensitive Skin," Jensen grinned. "Figured you’d brought it with you."

"Sensitive skin, eh? Says the man who has 4 different kinds of hand lotion and is never without his chapstick," Jared smirked.

And before Jensen could come back with another smart-ass reply, Jared was up and moving out of the kitchen, calling over his shoulder, "Gonna go start the water for your bath, princess!"

Back in the kitchen a short time later, Jared was clearing the breakfast dishes when he noticed Jensen scratching at his face. He’d already been sporting his customary Dean-scruff the morning of the accident and hadn’t shaved since, and it looked like the extra facial hair was bothering his friend.

The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. "You want me to give you a shave?"

Jensen’s hand dropped away from his face and Jared was horrified that he’d maybe overstepped his bounds of friendship. Shaving another guy was kinda…personal. But Jensen nodded slowly and Jared blew out a relieved breath.

"Yeah, man, I’d appreciate it," Jensen replied. "And I hope you know that you’re the only person I’d trust putting a razor to my throat," he continued.

Jensen said the words lightly, but Jared could also hear the underlying seriousness in what he said, and it warmed him.

"Same here, man." Jared grinned, put the last plate in the dishwasher and clapped his hands. "Ok, let’s go make you look all pretty."

Jensen’s reply was showing Jared his middle finger as he stood up from the table and made his way out of the kitchen.

A quick stop in Jensen’s room to get him fresh clothes and then the two men were walking into the bathroom, closing the door behind them. The bath was nearly halfway full by now, warm steam beginning to fill the air.

As Jensen took off his t-shirt, Jared retrieved his friend’s razor and shaving cream from the medicine cabinet, then a washcloth and hand towel.

"So, ummm, how do you want to do this?" Jensen asked.

Jared glanced around the room. "Here, why don’t I sit on the counter between the sinks and you can stand in front of me?"

Jensen nodded his agreement and Jared hopped up on the counter. He reached out and took his friend by his wrist, pulling him closer, guiding him to stand between Jared’s widespread legs.

Jared took a second, a breath, as his heart jumped a bit, having Jensen so close, naked from the waist up. He closed his legs, until they were just barely brushing Jensen’s and he felt as if that drew Jensen even closer to him. Jared swallowed, reluctant to release Jensen’s wrist, the skin warm under his fingers.

"Hey, everything Ok?"

Jensen’s quiet question broke Jared out of the moment and he blinked, letting go of his friend’s arm.

"Umm, yeah, sorry," Jared stammered, and he turned his upper body toward the sink on his right, twisting on the taps. He adjusted the temperature just this side of too hot and soaked the washcloth, before handing it to Jensen.

Jensen wetted down his face and neck with the cloth as Jared first pulled up the plunger in the sink, then flipped open the cap on the shaving cream.

Face thoroughly damp, Jensen handed the washcloth back to Jared, who laid it next to him on the counter, then turned off the taps on the sink. He squirted a small amount of shaving cream onto the fingers of his right hand, set the can down and rubbed the cream onto his left hand as well.

Reaching out, he slowly smoothed the cream onto Jensen’s face – under his cheekbones, above his upper lip, across and back on the sides of his face, over and under his chin, then a short way down his neck. He felt Jensen release a small sigh and saw his shoulders relax.

The water running in the bathtub was the only sound in the room as Jared picked up the razor and began carefully shaving his friend. A slow swipe down, a rinse in the sink, repeat, repeat, repeat. It was sensual, almost hypnotic, as more and more of Jensen’s skin was revealed with each pass of the razor.

Jared felt Jensen’s hand touch his leg, slide up, until his palm was resting high up on his thigh. Jared breathed in at the touch, breathed in the warm steam enveloping them, felt his legs close a fraction more.

One last pass with the razor and Jared was finished, Jensen’s skin pink and smooth once more. Eyes never leaving Jensen’s face, Jared set the razor down on the counter. There was a spot of shaving cream on Jensen’s left cheekbone and Jared reached up, palm resting against the side of his friend’s face, fingers curling around behind Jensen’s ear, his thumb sliding over Jensen’s cheek, clearing the shaving cream away.

Time seemed to freeze, catching the two men in this moment as Jared felt his chest tighten, his heart pound and he couldn’t breathe, felt lightheaded.

And this.

This feeling.

This is why he left Sandy nearly four months ago. When he no longer got this feeling being around her, but around his best friend instead.

When he realized he was falling in love with Jensen.

His thumb caressed Jensen’s cheek again and Jared desperately wished that he could see Jensen’s eyes, to see what he was feeling. God, was he alone in this madness? He needed to know…

Jared felt Jensen sway towards him, his waist pressing against Jared’s groin, his fingers flexing on Jared’s thigh, and Jared’s throat went dry.

Jensen’s voice was barely a whisper. "Jare?"

Jared dropped his hand like Jensen’s skin was burning him, feeling his face flush deeply. Jesus, what the hell was he doing? He cleared his throat, trying to find his voice.

"We’re, uh, all done," he stammered.

Jensen stood there, silent, not moving for a long heartbeat before finally backing away from Jared, turning towards the bathtub. Without hesitation, Jensen pulled down both his sweatpants and boxers, and Jared felt his breath catch once again.

He knew he should look away, that it was wrong, that it was taking advantage of Jensen, but God help him, he couldn’t. How long had he wanted to see Jensen like this, standing naked before him? He’d imagined what Jensen would look like in his dreams, moving against him, under him, over him, naked skin pressed tight to Jared’s own. His cock sliding against Jared’s.

And now, now when he can finally drink his fill of the beautiful man before him it has to happen like this, when Jensen is hurt and depending on him. Jared never wanted it to happen like this.

He shook himself out of the thought and moved toward Jensen as he climbed into the tub, making sure his friend didn’t fall. Jensen submerged himself up to his chin and smiled as he laid his head back against the tub.

"Damn, that feels great," he sighed.

"Do you want me to wash your hair?" Jared asked as he turned off the taps. "Then you can soak for awhile."

"Yeah, man, that’d be good."

"Ok, lift up your head and I’ll unwind the gauze."

Jensen did as asked and Jared carefully removed the white bandage from around Jensen’s head, setting it on the sink, where he retrieved a drinking cup from beside the toothbrush holder.

Jared perched himself on the ledge of the bathtub and filled up the cup. "Lean your head back a bit," he told Jensen.

He cupped his hand above Jensen’s eyes, making sure to keep the eye patches dry, and poured the water over his friend’s hair. One more cupful and Jared set the cup aside and picked up the shampoo. He squirted a small amount into his hand then started working it into Jensen’s hair.

His long fingers slid through the fine strands, his motions slowing, becoming more massaging than just washing. He heard Jensen sigh again, felt his friend relax, shoulders dipping. From his spot on the side of the tub, Jared could easily see Jensen’s lean body beneath the still water. His legs were spread, and Jared could see his cock nestled in dark hair at his groin. Jared wondered what it would feel like in his hand, his mouth…

He felt his own cock stir inside his pants, and guilt crashed down upon him again. He had to get out of here, away from Jensen, it was wrong, what he was doing, and he couldn’t seem to stop.

Jared abruptly stopped washing Jensen’s hair, and quickly rinsed the soap out, his motions quick and jerky. He could tell Jensen sensed the sudden change, but before he could say anything, Jared was speaking rapidly, moving away from the bathtub.

"Ok, um, the soap’s on your left and I put your towel on the floor. Just reach down and you’ll find it. Your clothes are on the sink. And if, if you need anything just yell, Ok?" he finished and fled the bathroom, Jensen’s confused, "Jared?" following after him.

He didn’t stop moving until he was down the stairs and through the kitchen, leaning up against the back door, his forehead pressed to the cool glass. He closed his eyes as images of Jensen’s naked body flashed through his head and he reached down, cupping himself through his pants, felt himself half hard. He stroked himself once and a small moan escaped his lips.

But then he was pounding his fist against the door, furious with himself. His friend was hurt, and here he was, like a fucking peeping tom, leering at Jensen’s naked body because his friend couldn’t see him.

Jared turned and slid down the door, coming to rest on the floor, head hanging between his shoulders. What the fuck was wrong with him?

~~~~~