Chapter Text
Author's notes: Beta Thanks: Thanks go to Siberian Skys for looking this over and assuring me the end wasn't the catastrophe my mind told me it was and for the beta. Also to keepaofthecheez for betaing. She's amazing.
Inspiration:...Gay men are every bit as emotionally closeted as their straight counterparts. Instead of just one partner being distant, uncommunicative and emotionally stunted, both are.--Minotaur
See how they looked in the flasback scenes. Jared, Jensen
Hey Jealousy--Gin Blossoms
Tell me do you think it'd be all right
If I could just crash here tonight
You can see I'm in no shape for driving
And anyway I've got no place to go
And you know it might not be that bad
You were the best I'd ever had
If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago
I might not be alone
Tomorrow we can drive around this town
And let the cops chase us around
The past is gone but something might be found
To take its place...hey jealousy
And you can trust me not to think
And not to sleep around
If you don't expect too much from me
You might not be let down
Cause all I really want is to be with you
Feeling like I matter too
If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago
I might be here with you
Tomorrow we can drive around this town
And let the cops chase us around
The past is gone but something might be found
To take its place...hey jealousy
When Jensen walked into the studio exec's office and saw Jared Padalecki sitting on the couch, limbs spread every which way as though he hadn't a care in the world, his first thought was:
He grew up good.
His second thought, as in seeming slow motion Jared turned to look at him, was:
HolyshitfuckwhatamIgonnado?
His third thought was simply:
I need a beer.
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Jared's first thought as the broad-chested man walked in through the glass doors, black shirt stretched tight, close cropped hair that picked up the sunlight's refractions, and the latest sunglasses was:
Who's the hottie?
His second thought as the man took off his glasses was:
Jensen. Jensen Ackles. Well, hell.
His third thought was something only he could could understand, but it involved a lot of swearing, that was for sure.
His fourth thought was simply:
God help me.
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Jensen took off his glasses, and tried to judge the situation. This could go one of many ways. Most likely, he'd get the cool and detached manner of someone who had become jaded with the business. Second, he could get a punch in the face. Or third, he might break the record for a co-star walking out on them in the shortest amount of time.
So he was surprised when Jared practically jumped up off the couch and reached him in only two strides—-when the hell had he gotten so tall?--and offered both a hand and a wide grin.
“Hi. I'm Jared Padalecki. Looks like I'll be working with you.”
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Jared wasn't sure exactly how to play it. But he knew by the hesitant and wary look in Jensen's eyes, that he didn't want to bring up the past. He almost looked like he thought Jared would punch him.
Nice as that thought was, he didn't think that was a good way to start a brand new job. Instead, he decided to play safe and ignorant. With a practiced ease—he was an actor—he walked over to the nervous Jensen and offered his hand.
“Hi. I'm Jared Padalecki. Looks like I'll be working with you.”
The look of utter shock, though it was quickly composed, was better than a punch. What was it his momma had always said? Kill them with kindness.
“Umm...hi. I'm Jensen Ackles.” He stuck out his own hand.
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“Hey, there. I'm Jensen. Jensen Ackles.”
Jared watched as the pretty boy leaned his elbow on the counter. His pink lips were parted slightly and looked slick—almost like he was wearing lip gloss. 'Jensen' was wearing a turtleneck sweater with a zipper that extended halfway down. The zipper was undone to show a white tee.
“Uh, hi.” He shifted uncomfortably. He hadn't been expecting anyone to talk to him.
“Well, come on, what's your name?”
“Uhh...Jared.” He looked down at his drink. Only the second of the night.
“And does Jared have a last name?” Jensen needled, leaning back so both his elbows were on the counter, chest facing the party, and staring hard at him.
“Padalecki.”
“Not one much for talking, are you? Here as someone's little show boy?”
Jared started at him confused.
Jensen let out a put-upon sigh. “Someone's boyfriend. Maybe Alexis'?”
Jared gaped. “Are you kidding me? Alexis Bledel would never date me. We're like...siblings. Or something. Gross.”
“Wait...” Jensen looked at him closer. “Ha, I should have guessed. You're one of the people on Gilmore Girls aren't you? I heard the WB was going to go with that show. So you're not a boyfriend. Good news.” His eyebrows raised in a gesture Jared didn't quite get and he took a sip of whatever was in his glass.
He glanced at Jared's own then. “Say, aren't you a little young to be drinking?”
“Hey, I'm eighteen, thank you.”
“Yeah, well that's not the legal limit, you know.”
“Nobody stopped me. No one asked. What are you anyway? My momma?”
“Nah. Just don't let the press catch ya or your career will be over before it starts. Or you'll get thrown into porn. And shitty B horror movies.”
“Thanks for the advice,” Jared let his voice drip with sarcasm. Who the fuck was this guy? He thought back a moment. “Wait...why is it good news I'm not someone's boyfriend?”
Jensen laughed, a quiet, low chuckle. “Because then I couldn't get away with this.”
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Just then, Eric Kripke walked out with a few other men who must be production or writers or maybe even the WB bigwigs.
“Gentlemen! Ah, I see you've met each other already. Great, we can get started then.”
“Great,” Jensen muttered under his breath, and Jared smirked.
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They actually worked together fairly well. Everyone was impressed with the Pilot and they'd both been told they had real chemistry together, 'something you can't fake'. Or so they'd been told.
And honestly, it seemed as though Jared had forgotten all about that month, way back when. Well, Jensen had changed, though it hurt his ego to be forgotten so easily. But Jared never mentioned the past and for that at least, Jensen was grateful.
Once he had realized Jared was going to ignore or had forgotten what had gone on before with them, he found Jared was actually a cool guy. Well, ok, that past thing would never have happened had he not been a cool guy—Jensen did have standards beyond good-looking—but now he was grown up. He still acted like an over-sized five-year-old at times, but it was all good. It wasn't like before, with the naivety and the whining, and the teenage hormones which meant hardcore mood swings.
No, now Jared was always playful. Always laughing at his jokes, flattering everyone on set, the upper level guys even. Everyone—especially the press—was susceptible to the Padalecki charm. Not him, of course. No, been there, done that.
But once the show was picked up for sure for the whole season, they both relaxed a bit and actually hung out together. It was just trailer visits for pizza and sports games or a quick, 'hey, let's go over our lines together'. Then they started showing up at all the WB parties together.
That however, was where it ended. They'd split the minute they got inside, Jensen to the Smallville crowd, Jared to the Gilmore Girls crowd and his cute, annoyingly perky girlfriend.
And Jensen ignored any melancholy thoughts that floated through his mind as he stared at Jared kissing Sandy through the bottom of his tequila shot glass he'd just downed.
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“What are you doing?” Jared hissed as a firm hand slid down his backside, Jensen's body now blocking it from the gaze of anyone else there.
He leaned, whispering in Jared's ear. “I'm making a pass at you. What does it feel like I'm doing?”
And by golly if Jared didn't jump as that hand tweaked his ass. But he didn't back away, either. There was a challenge in Jensen's eyes and Jared was naturally competitive. Blame it on his 'absolutely and amazingly talented' big brother.
“I'm thinking you could get yourself in trouble there. You talk about me getting bad press for underage drinking? What about you being gay? And whoever said I was?”
Jensen glanced over his shoulder, scanning the crowd and bar quickly before he leaned in to nip and lick at Jared's ear. “No one's paying attention. And no one had to tell me. I can sense these things.”
“More like, you're drunk and want a piece of ass.”
Up close now, Jared could smell the guy's breath and he clearly was a little intoxicated. But when he turned his face, he was confronted with pouty lips, hair that wasn't short, but not long either and one hell of a come hither stare. The hazel eyes slowly devouring his own features were blown wide and it from more than alcohol.
And fuck if that didn't go straight to his cock.
“Maybe. But hey, out of this whole party, I chose you. Doesn't that say something?”
Jared snorted. “Yeah, more like twenty girls already turned you down. I don't even know you, Jensen.”
“Sure ya do!” He cracked a smile and his hand slid over Jared's ass again. “You know my name. I can also tell you I'm twenty-two, I grew up in Texas, I'm a good lay, and with any other guy it might have taken twenty let downs, but you just jumped right out at me.” He nodded as if this was everything Jared would ever need to know. “See? You know me. Can we fuck now? This party's worth shit.”
And when one hand smoothed over his hip, fingering the skin in between Jared's khaki's and his burnt orange button-up, how could he refuse? There was something about this guy that went beyond his boyish good looks and those lips that looked like they were made for fucking. He was a smart ass, but intelligence showed in those lust-ridden eyes and hell, Jared felt comfortable around him. He'd always wanted his first time to be with someone he liked.
He'd just never quite expected the first time he got with a man to be a pick up at some stupid actor's party—but this was Hollywood, right? Go with the flow.
“Sure. Yeah, let's go.”
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Jared was loving his life. He was at the top. Well, ok, so he wasn't Brad Pitt or even Ewan McGregor with that accent everyone loved. But, he had a great show, a great bunch of friends he still got to see all the time—had to love WB inbreeding—and one amazing girlfriend. He also loved torturing Jensen.
Oh, yes. Torture. All those press junkets. He loved the questions they got, questions about the two of them, about gay subtext, and such. Jensen squirmed. Squirmed like a pig about to go on the spit. And every time Jared placed one of his 'huge mother fucking paws', as Jensen liked to refer to them as, on Jensen's chest, he could feel his co-star's heart beat just a bit faster. And it wasn't the crowds. Jared had come to realize the whole shy thing, where he backed off was just Jensen not wanting to deal with shit. He preferred the hands-off approach.
Heh. Jared laughed at himself. Oh, yes, smile as he did, Jensen really preferred hands-off. Out of the bright lights, he never let himself touch Jared. If their hands bumped as they played PS2, he jumped and shifted over, further from Jared.
And so why was it every time Jensen did scootch away, he felt a little hurt? It's not like he was lacking in the adoring fans department. Literally. Hell, after every show Chad would fucking call him up and compliment him amidst insults for an hour and then Sandy would call, just gushing about what a brilliant job he did. And that wasn't even his family's praises. So why did the slightest bit of rejection from Jensen make him feel small and kind of like he didn't matter?
But they coasted along, getting closer as friends, finding out other's tastes and dislikes. How Jensen had this thing for candles and chocolate milk. Or like, how they both liked to work out for an hour and a half each morning, but had entirely different routines. Jared liked his weights and Jensen preferred cardio.
All in all, they had a fairly comfortable, if charged, silent agreement to never bring up the past, to be co-stars who had completely different friends and just happened to get along well.
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They'd gone to Jensen's car, as Jared had shown up with Alexis, and drove about fifteen minutes in almost total silence beyond that of the country music that floated from the car's stereo surround sound, aided by the sub woofers in the back.
Finally they reached a small apartment building and it was in the elevator that Jensen made his first move.
He'd caught Jared out of the corner of his eye when he'd entered the party, and watched as he kind of slunk off into the corner. It was, Jensen had first assumed, the look of a boy who had nothing to do with the scene and was only there as eye candy. The kid had looked out of place and nervous. But his doe-like eyes and slouched shoulders were somehow that much more appealing to him.
Fresh meat, he'd thought, eying the dark hair cut in a bowl style, with his bangs hanging in his eyes. His clothes weren't party caliber, even if this was a fairly casual affair. But it was when he ordered his first drink and took a sip, that long neck stretching back in an arch, that Jensen knew he had to have him. That neck would look so good stretched out beneath him, and all he wanted was a taste.
When Jared had opened his mouth and his words were tinged with just the slightest drawl, Jensen had been gone. All that and Texas too?
He hadn't dared do anything more than pet in such a public place, with a few cameras around, so he'd waited. But now he stepped in, laughing quietly as Jared seemed to sink into himself as Jensen stepped forward.
He brushed a lock of hair from the kid's eye and then leaned in for a kiss. It started out slow and hesitant and Jensen couldn't help but think it was like kissing a girl, but then it grew into something more passionate, though still not practiced. More like the eagerness of teenage hormones.
Jared's lips were still too-hard pressed against his, but Jensen placed a hand on a slim hip and pushed his way in with his tongue and once he did everything was slick and hot and wet and ok, so he did know how to kiss.
Everything about the tall brunette relaxed and soon he was grabbing at Jensen's hips, pawing him with absurdly large hands, right when the elevator dinged signaling his floor. He kept his grip on Jared, hand fisted in his shirt, so he wouldn't get out of the moment, and whispered something dirty in his ear, loving the flush that crept up Jared's neck. He fumbled for a key—ok, maybe he was drunker than he thought—and finally it slid in and home.
He practically shoved Jared in, and he kept the lights off, dropping the keys and stepping back into Jared.
“You uh...you gonna turn on any lights?” the nervous boy asked.
“Nu-uh. We're headed right for the bedroom.” He walked Jared in backwards, until they reached the doorway.
“You go fast, huh?” came out a little breathless as Jensen sucked at Jared's neck. God, he smelled good. A mixture of Lucky cologne, alcohol and Texas.
“What better way is there?” he murmured, as he started unbuttoning the orange shirt. Really, who wore that color in Hollywood? Hollywood was all about the glamour and flash. This kid was so new.
“Umm...” Jared hummed, hands trying to gesture, seeming to want to settle on something, and finally they landed on Jensen's chest, pushing him back a little. “I haven't done this before, you know. I mean it's something I wanted to but...”
“Yeah,” Jensen shrugged. “Texas isn't too conducive to that, I know. I figured. Part of why I liked you.”
Jared smiled at that. “So, you're what? Like the de-virginizer of Hollywood? How many fellas you deflowered?”
Wrinkling his nose, Jensen responded, “You make it sound so...like I'm a pimp or something.”
“Pimp, no. Player, oh yeah.”
Jensen smirked. “Ok, you caught me. But actually, I've never had a virgin before. I usually like my 'dates' a little more experienced. But I think you could be fun.”
“Just...go slow. When we. I mean. Erm.”
Jensen laughed as Jared blushed even more so than before. “No worries, 'k? I got it all under control. I told you I was a good lay, didn't I?”
Jared nodded and gasped when Jensen tweaked a nipple, not having realized his entire shirt had been unbuttoned during the exchange.
“Ok, then. Now shut up and kiss me.”
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It started when Jensen walked into Jared's trailer without knocking, only to find him and Sandy going at it. Hardcore. Like he was a fucking bronco and she was the cowboy.
“Oh, fuck. I mean, umm...excuse me.” He backed out blushing and stammering, to the sounds of a high-pitched whine from Sandy and a cheeky grin from Jared.
Holyshitmotherfuckinghell! And wouldn't his mom just be proud of his dirty mouth now.
He ran back to his trailer. It wouldn't have been so bad had he walked in and his eyes had been drawn to small but perky boobs. Or even Sandy's vagina. Well, he had been staring there, but for the ten seconds he'd stood in shock, his gaze had been on Jared entering and slipping out repeatedly.
Fuck.
What happened to he didn't do a person more than once? What happened to Jared was a whiny little bitch? So what if he grew up and filled out and was hard muscle now rather than smooth and flat angles?
He sat down in his chair and reached for a beer. Then thought better of it and grabbed the bottle of whiskey he kept for special occasions. Normally a really bad work day, but this...well, it counted as a bad work day, too.
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When Jensen had walked in on him and Sandy, Jared had been glad Sandy was in the throes of passion. He'd been right.
He'd purposefully left the door unlocked, unbeknown to his poor girlfriend; he'd been expecting Jensen would barge in. And the reaction had been more than he hoped for. He couldn't help the grin as his co-star stared. And not at Sandy. At him. At his cock slipping in and out of her. And that blush? Jensen didn't blush often.
And so Jared's orgasm was just that much sweeter when he tipped over, feeling Sandy clench around him before she collapsed on his chest. He smoothed her hair and couldn't help smiling even wider, without a thought that his smile had nothing to do with the girl in his lap.
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It was halfway through the season and they'd just finished filming Route 666. Jensen was fucking horny as shit. Fake sex was such a load of shit. Sure, the WB wasn't a porn channel or hell, even Showtime, but damn he was all worked up now and that just wasn't fair. Even if Megalyn wasn't all that hot and they kinda of duked it out backstage—bitch, he thought—intimated sex was still damn arousing.
And maybe, knowing Jared was there watching, though it had been a day off for him, maybe that had amped up the feeling. Jensen had always been a bit of an exhibitionist. Then again, he liked to watch too. He was just fucked up all around. But a good kind, he figured.
Almost everyone had gone home, make up and costuming, production, and such. A few stage hands waved as he made his way to his trailer, ready to get his cell and head home for the weekend.
He hadn't been expecting the sight he received. Jared fucking Padalecki on his knees, giving one Chad Michael Murray a fucking blow job. Leaning against his trailer.
What? Was God just out to get him? Was this because he was bi? Or because he'd never done his chores without complaint like his dad had told him to?
But he stepped back around the corner, glancing around. No one around.
“Oh, fuck yeah, Jare. Yeah, give it to me. Suck it harder, bitch.”
Jensen tensed up at that. Ok, those words coming out of an engaged man's mouth, who just happened to be punk ass Chad, so should not be hot. And they weren't. Chad's voice did nothing for him. But those little groans? Knowing who was causing them? Life was just not fair.
He was close enough he could hear the slight sucking and wet sounds that came from Jared's preoccupation.
A low pitched moan escaped Chad's mouth and ok, that was it. Like he'd said, he was a voyeur and he was going to take advantage of this.
He slid the zipper down, hoping the noise would be covered by Jared's—and what the hell? He'd never been that loud for him—and took himself out. Already hard from earlier, it only took a few strokes to get him aching.
He leaned around the corner, pleased to see Chad's eyes shut, head back against the metal. Jared's mouth was moving up and down, real fast, than slow and from here, Jensen could just make out his lips being stretched across that fucker's cock.
He used his own precome to slick the entire head. He could see Chad was close, the way his grip tightened in Jared's hair and the fact that he seemed to be panting now. Good, cause it wasn't going to take Jensen much longer.
In fact, just a few strokes later, Chad was pulling Jared off him and shooting over his shoulder, moaning 'Jared' out long and hard and had anyone been within five miles, they'd have heard it. But it covered Jensen's own murmur of pleasure as he shot his load into the crazily green Vancouver grass.
After a moment he tucked himself back in and stood, leaning on one hand against Jared's trailer side. Now that it was over, he was pissed. Why the fuck couldn't Jared stick to sex in his own apartment? You didn't see him bringing around guys or girls onto set to just have sex. What the fuck.
He looked up in time to see Chad's eyes open and notice Jensen peeking around the corner before Jensen tore off, keys in hand towards his car. The cell could wait. Anyone needed him that bad he had a fucking land line.
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The next day, Jared acted like he didn't know Jensen had caught him. Maybe that had been the point even, somewhere in his subconscious. It had started out with Chad wanting to visit him on his day off, but Jared had wanted to see Jensen's scene with Megalyn—they'd been hilarious, totally hating each other's guts, and the thought of Jensen forcing himself to pretend to like her amused Jared more than it should—so Chad had trailed after him, bitching the whole time. And jeez, Jared and Chad hadn't done anything since that first season of Gilmore Girls, but Chad started fucking moaning about never getting any from his hardly-legal finance and Jared was just so turned on seeing Jensen's lips work over someone else's, that on their way back, after the crews had left, he'd just pushed Chad against the nearest trailer and went down on him. Fuck, it had felt good, too. He hadn't sucked cock in some time. Like a year or more. Hard to do with a girlfriend. Hard to do when old memories of the best blow jobs ever kept resurfacing.
He was greeted with an ashen and hung over Jensen that next Monday, and it was then he decided. The whole getting caught thing? Such good payback. If that bitch went and decided he wanted him again, ha ha but it sucked to be him. Because Jared loved driving Jensen crazy. And he wasn't ever gonna get him again. Jensen could have had him once but he went all ape shit on him and while Jared was a forgiving person in friendship and family, he didn't put up with shit from lovers. One chance was all you got, pal.
Besides. It just wouldn't do to even try to get back with Jensen. After all, you could never end up with your first love. There was some kind of natural rule against that. That only happened in fairy tales.