Chapter Text
Feelings. Emotions. They make the world go round. Love. Hatred. Anger. Selfishness. Happiness. Sadness. It all comes together and without it the world would just be plain old boring. Chaos would ensue if everything was just perfect.
But one-sided feelings? Those he could do without. Because they fucking suck. Big time.
See, Jensen could have anyone. And that's not him being cocky. Okay. Maybe he should have worded that different. He should have said that he has no trouble going out, meeting new people and getting dates. You know? But he decided to go ahead and fall for his tall, goofy, handsome and completely straight best friend. In fact said best friend is so straight that he would make a piece of plywood look kind of curvy. And you can't get any straighter than a piece of plywood. Well, actually, yeah, you can. He calls it Jared.
Jared and himself have been best friends since birth. Literally. They were born on the same day, about nine hours apart, in the same hospital, and laid next to each other in the nursery. It was fate even back then. But when one of them grows up to be the straight high school jock and the other one grows up to be the gay high school kid who ends up giving Jimmy Novak a blow job under the bleachers because he's so far in the closet that Narnia's knocking, well, problems start arising.
Their parents all lived in the same neighborhood and Jared's mom babysat for Jensen's parents when they were little. Jensen grew up with Jared looming over him. Literally. The guy turned into a giant, hit a growth spurt. Jared was there when Jensen got into a fight in the fourth grade. The kid knocked Jensen down when they were playing outside for recess and Jared pushed the kid backwards over the swing. In the first three weeks of starting high school Jared got suspended because he kicked some kid's ass after they called Jensen a 'faggot'. That was probably the exact moment Jensen realized just how fucked he was.
And of course Jared doesn't know that Jensen likes him. He wouldn't. He's just..too damn friendly. He doesn't think twice about wrapping Jensen up in a hug or slapping Jensen on the ass after a 'good game' of whatever. It's who Jared is.
That just makes it that much harder.
"I have to admit your ass looks great in those jeans."
Jensen looks up in the mirror and sees Jared leaning against the doorway. This is just Jared being Jared, but it doesn't stop Jensen from letting it get to his head. His stomach lets loose a couple butterflies.
"You think?" Jensen replies, checking his own ass out in the mirror.
Jared laughs. "Nice. How'd your little date thing go with Chris last night? You guys go out or stay here after I left?"
Jensen shrugs his shoulders. "I got a blow job. Obviously we stayed home."
One-sided feelings? Remember those? Yeah. They can go fuck themselves. Hard. If Jensen didn't go out once in a while, things would start looking kind of peculiar. He has to date just to keep his best friend in the dark. Do you know how hard it is to have to deal with this kind of stuff for so long? Jensen's twenty-nine. He was thirteen when he started high school. That's sixteen years. Sixteen stupid, long years.
And that's not to say he doesn't like the aforementioned Chris. Because he kind of does. Chris is fun. Athletic. Smart. Hot. Jensen's know him for a bit now. Maybe a year. But they just recently started 'talking, talking'. And they weren't really even friends before, just ran with the same crowd. So no loss there if it goes south. He just doesn't feel...anything for Chris. Not the way he feels for Jared, anyway. Jared's completely raised the bar for Jensen's future boyfriends. Which kind of adds the cherry to the top of his fucked up sundae.
"Chris does look like he'd know a thing or two."
"And he does."
Jared's quiet for a minute. "Bet you'd know a few tricks."
What? Jensen spins around. Jared's grinning. "What?"
"Sorry, man. Just messing with ya."
"You didn't get any last night."
Jared's face automatically morphs into a scowl. "Is it that obvious?"
Jensen just nods his head and Jared launches into his story.
"Dude! This girl was seriously throwing me some slutty vibes. And I'm knocking drink after drink in her. And then at the last second she goes, 'Jerry, I had such a great time' and leaves. And you want to know something, Jensen?"
Jensen cocks an eyebrow at him. "Your name isn't Jerry?"
Jared throws his arms out. "Exactly! So I came home hard as all hell and just passed the fuck out. That shine job I gave myself in the shower was not how I thought I'd start my morning. I figured I'd start it by rolling over and forgetting just who it was that I picked up last night."
Jensen rolls his eyes. "You're a pig."
"And you love it. But seriously. I'm just agitated this morning. You have any plans today?"
Jensen sits on the edge of his bed. "Nope. You?"
Jared shakes his head. "No. Wanna have a girls day?"
How can someone not fall in love with...that?
"You can seriously out shop the best of them."
Jensen looks down at his four bags and back up at Jared. "Jealous much?"
"Never that, dude."
Jensen flops down on the couch. He feels the other side dip a few seconds later.
"I'm seriously so damn horny. It sucks getting blue-balled. I've been jumpy all day."
Jensen nods his head. "The old lady in that store earlier that kept giving you dirty looks every time you grabbed your dick like it went on vacation and didn't bother to tell you was a good indicator."
"She wanted some. That's all. Don't let the grey hair and canes fool you."
Jensen turns on a movie and settles back against the couch. It feels so good after walking around all day.
Want to know how that movie went? Jensen does, too. All he heard was Jared complaining throughout the whole thing. There was a couple sex scenes so Jensen had to hear about how Jared really hated getting blue-balled. Again. And again.
Jared was getting ready to say something again but Jensen cuts him off. "Dude. If I let you fuck me or just gave you a blow job, would you shut the hell up?"
Jensen didn't mean to say it, he really didn't, but he'd had enough of Jared bitching. He looks over at Jared. Jared has one arm over the back of the couch and his right leg propped on top of his left. His head is cocked to the side.
"What?"
Jensen shakes his head. "Forget it. I didn't mean to say that." It slipped.
Jared leans forward. "You didn't mean to say that?"
"No. Now drop it."
There's a pregnant pause. Jensen doesn't like it. He gets ready to stand up when Jared reaches a hand over and stops him.
"Don't. Stay."
Jensen settles back against the couch but scoots as far over as he can.
"Wow. Now you're going to be weird about it?"
"You haven't said anything," Jensen says as he stares down at the small logo on his basketball shorts.
"Well, people tend not to say anything if their brain is working over time."
Jensen groans. "Why are you thinking about this? That's making it so much worse."
"I want you to."
"Want me to what?"
"Wrap those lips around my cock." And bombs away.
Silence. It's quiet. Dead quiet. Jensen just heard a fly buzzing around upstairs it's that quiet. He doesn't even know what to say. What would anyone say?
"Just as two buddies who need a quick fix. But a little more than that. Cus, you know, we're best friends and all. You offered and now I'm fucking horny."
Just as two buddies, of course. But Jensen knows it wouldn't be anything more than that. Ever. He thinks for a minute. Does he really do it? Does he complicate the hell out of thirteen years worth of sorting through his fucked up feelings for something that probably won't happen again anytime soon?
He's not stupid. Or...he doesn't know.
He stands and Jared immediately looks up, frantic. "Jen, no, don't go. I'm sorry. I'm just being a douche. All the blood isn't where it should be right now."
Jensen turns and kneels in front of Jared. "Same here. Take your jeans off."
You know that expression 'fish out of water'? That's about the only thing Jensen could think to describe Jared at the moment. It's a few seconds before Jared reacts. He scrambles to get his jeans down and around his ankles. Jensen reaches out to pull at the waistband of Jared's boxers. Jared lifts his hips up slightly and Jensen slides them down with no problem.
And there it is. The thing Jensen has guilty pleasured and fantasized about a time or two before. And it's...big. Long. And thick. How the fuck can everything on Jared be perfect? The head is leaking a little precum. It's a deep shade of red, maybe slightly purple. Jensen licks the small bead off and Jared jerks.
"You really are fucking horny."
Jared laughs. "Told you, dude."
Jensen looks down at it one more time before looking up at Jared. "Doing this is okay, right? It won't get awkward or anything?"
"Only if we let it. Are we going to?"
That was a question Jensen was having an internal war on. He probably would let it get awkward, but he'd deal with it. He wouldn't let Jared know anything was wrong. He's been doing a good job of it so far.
"No," he finally says and leans down to start the blow job that Jensen will never forget...and he's not even receiving it.
Jensen takes all of Jared in one go and then pulls off. He grasps Jared's cock by the base and slowly starts stroking him. Jared groans.
"Fuck, Jen. That's for foreplay. I'm already hard as hell, dude."
Jensen grins. As much as he wants to stop all of this and just get far, far away from it all, he doesn't want this to end. Not yet. He has Jared and he's not ready to give him up.
Jensen starts licking and nipping the insides of Jared's thighs. He brushes over Jared's balls with his lips and Jared groans. Jensen takes them into his mouth and sucks on them lightly. He looks up in time to see Jared throw his head back against the couch.
"Just suck me of-nughh..."
Jensen wraps his lips around the head of Jared's cock and swirls his tongue over the tip.
"Jen. I'm seriously not going to last much longer."
Jensen goes back down on him, all the way to the base. He feels Jared's hips thrust up slightly. He wants this to go on forever, but he also knows Jared. Jensen flattens his tongue along the underside of Jared's cock and starts bobbing his head up and down, hollowing out his cheeks.
"Remember how I said you'd probably have a few tricks of your own?"
Jensen hums around Jared's cock and Jared's hips thrust up again.
"You definitely do. Guh. I'm close. Fuck. Already there. So close, Jen."
A million things start running through Jensen's head when it hits him that Jared's about to cum. In his mouth. Should he really be doing this? Are things just going to go downhill from here? If they do, will it get to a point where they end up ruining twenty-nine years of friendship and Jensen has to move away? Will things seriously get awkward? Is he sure that Jared doesn't know Jensen likes him? Would Jared be selfish and ignorant enough that he'd let Jensen do this knowing Jensen liked him?
"Jensen. I'm coming, I'm com..."
Jensen has a couple seconds warning before he feels Jared shoot warm, ropey strands of pearly liquid into his mouth. Jensen slides off Jared's cock with an obscene wet noise and swallows his load. Jared's still laying back against the couch. Jensen sees his chest rising and falling quickly.
"Jesus Christ, Jensen." Jared sits back up. "You are fucking awesome at that."
Jensen sits back on his haunches and it hits him. He just gave Jared, his best friend, his secret love, a blow job. He just swallowed Jared's load.
Was it stupid? He's still not sure. He'll wake up tomorrow and probably freak the hell out. Actually, he knows he will. But still. On the outside, Jensen was just helping a friend out. And best friends do that, right? He'll just have to deal with everything else that comes along.
Besides, he has to admit, deep down it was really sort of worth it.....in a sick, twisted kind of way.