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English
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Sinful Desire
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Published:
2011-08-04
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470
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1/1
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3
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A bewildering labyrinth of facts

captainackles [archived by ]

Summary:

I know that cold winter nights are your favorite. Not just because you like warm fires and long socks, but because in the middle of the night you roll next to me and entangle yourself into more than just my arms. You transpose a simple act between two people into something more.

Notes:

Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at Sinful-Desire.org. To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on Sinful Desire collection profile.

Author's notes: not beta'd. all mistakes are on me. Jared's point of view~
Comments are loved!

Work Text:

I know that cold winter nights are your favorite. Not just because you like warm fires and long socks, but because in the middle of the night you roll next to me and entangle yourself into more than just my arms. You transpose a simple act between two people into something more.

I know how much you like to laugh. I know you secretly love it when I call you Jen instead of Jensen. I know that you like to cuddle just as much as you like to have sex. I know you like beer and cheesy action movies. I know how much you like to write. I love everything you write.

I know that thunder storms scare you just as much as salmonella poisoning. I know you keep a notebook next to your pillow to write down every dream you remember when you wake up each morning. I know you dream of me a lot. You dream of dying, too.

I know how much you love the ocean when it’s cloudy. I know your favorite ice cream flavor is mint chocolate-chip. I know who your first kiss was. I know that you have a scar on your left hip and a freckle next to your belly button. You have freckles everywhere, Jen.

I know you love even when you say you don’t. I know you are afraid of dying. I know you are afraid of losing all of your hair. I know you are afraid of hospital beds and the food they serve. I know you are afraid of ultimately losing me.

I know that you don’t sleep much anymore. I know how much you want to cry. I know that you aren't afraid of death, but you’re afraid of dying. I know that you are in pain. I know that you want to let me go, but I know you want me to hold on.

I know you like collecting sea glass. I know how badly you want to see the ocean again. I know how much you miss those nights when we slept next to the fireplace just because we could. I know how much you miss running every morning with me and the dogs. I know how much you miss everything you once could do.

But the world is fucked up. And I’m losing you. I know how scared you were when you found out the cancer has spread. I know you think you’re going to lose me in your fight.

But you never lost me.

You never saw the ocean again. You never wrapped yourself around me in the middle of a cold winter night. Your heart simply stopped beating.

And I guess in the end, the bewildering labyrinths of facts I know about you will begin to slowly fade into memories of our past.