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Author's notes: Sam and Dean with brief mention of John and Bobby.
Dean can pinpoint the exact date, and time of day when he realised his life would be forever entwined with Sam’s. He was 21 and it had been a hot summer well at least it was hot where they were in northern Florida, the humidity had it against Dean, he was so hot even the air con unit in their boring little rental place wasn’t good enough to cool anything down. Dean has seriously thought about pouring ice cubes into a bath just to get cool when a sight he’d never taken much notice of before suddenly appeared like a vision. Sam walking towards him across the short cut grass wearing a pair of cut off jeans, his tee loosely over his arm and his old trainers in his hand, he truly looked a vision even if he was only 17.
Dean didn’t take his eyes off Sam; luckily Sam couldn’t quite see him properly given that Dean was sitting in shade and had sun glasses on. Sam could see that Dean was fanning himself with a magazine or something similar and he felt a little angry as that could well be his computer mag he’d only just bought that morning. Dean would be paying hell if it was, good money paid for that and for what Dean using it to keep himself cool.
As Sam had gotten closer Dean had seen the pissy look in Sam’s eyes and has half smiled to himself. It was August the 24th at precisely 4 pm.
Several years later and in a similar situation and with a great deal of water under several bridges Dean had experienced something similar, seeing his brother all dusty and hot after working on the car. They were in California this time and broken down by the side of a desert road, no traffic and Dean more or less out of commission with a broken toe. Sam was less than pleased with Dean after his small accident and the trip to the Emergency Room, the cost of having the toe set, plastered and the pain killers hadn’t been easy to scrounge together. Dean had stayed in the hospital for a total of 4 hours before leaving, his mood was foul and Sam hadn’t pressed the matter much since, only noticing occasionally as Dean slept fitfully on the back seat, that he drooled in his sleep. That had amused Sam a great deal.
Poor Dean Sam had mused it wasn’t his fault he’d caught his foot on the sidewalk was it, and taken one hell of a fall, Dean wasn’t usually that clumsy. The again Dean had been in a very odd mood over the last few weeks and this perplexed and arouse Sam’s curiosity. Sam was curious by nature and anything different in his brother always got noticed not matter how small or insignificant.
Dean has spent the whole time that Sam fixed the car staring at him in a manner that was both infuriating and also slightly sexual. Sam couldn’t for the life of him explain why he should think his brother would be looking at him in a sexual way but it just seemed like that. Dean on the other hand would have argued the point and denied it vehemently, except he couldn’t hide how he was feeling, so perhaps those meds were a little stronger than usual, and perhaps his inhibitions where flying out the window so to speak. Dean right at that point could have done with a good fuck any way, so Sam was right in his range.
It was August 24th at precisely 4 pm.
Sam had made his way towards Dean, sweat in his hair his face smeared with grease and dust, he was wiping his hands on one of the many clothes Dean kept for just such an occasion. Sam’s skin was a beautiful golden colour, he was lucky he went a nice shade of brown, Dean on the other hand burnt very easily and tended to keep himself covered up for the most part. Small beads of sweat traversed the contours of his chest rolling lazily down to the waist band on his jeans, Dean would have leaped off his seat and licked the damn things off if he could have leaped that was. His foot was hurting, he had a headache and he felt sick, but he still gave Sam the attention.
It was so wrong and Dean knew it, hell even Dad had seen it coming before he even realised what he was on about. When Sam had left well a couple of months after Dad and Dean had an argument ending when Dean threatened to leave and go and find Sam and stay with him. Dad had pinned a surprised Dean up against the wall and told him if he ever went to find Sam he better have a damn good reason other than his wilful lusts. Dean never left but he was surprised by his father’s vehemence, and occasionally got a cold look from his father for no reason other than he was there.
It was surprising really that John even noticed that the two boys were so close, their unconventional upbringing hadn’t helped, close quarters all the time and no privacy had given them a unique insight into one another. It had made John very uncomfortable but there was little he could do so it was with a sense of relief and anger when Sam had announced he was leaving for college. At least in that way Dean was out of temptations way and Sam would be safe, John had always seen Sam as the innocent one, so it wasn’t totally surprising he blamed Dean for any lustful thoughts.
John had been correct in his assumptions Dean did lust after his brother but he didn’t understand at the time why, he just thought it was either his age or the meds he was taking or just plain old fashioned loneliness. Dean never put much thought into it but if he had he would have either driven himself insane or just plain got on with it and taken Sam at any cost, thus breaking up the family sooner and with dire consequences.
~0~
John had been gone a long time, Dean no longer had a broken toe and Sam wasn’t the devil in a meat suit. Hell was a faded memory to both of them, the nightmares of the events had long gone but their work still carried on, they still fought the good fight and had as much help from angels and Bobby that they could get.
Castiel had been absent from their lives for almost a year and it was yet again another hot summer only this time in Kansas, slightly north of where they had both been born. They’d been on a job a quick fix job really, a haunting in a church that had had the parishioners running for cover every Sunday after the service. It was a simple exorcism, over and done with in a matter of a couple of hours. A grateful preacher and a clean church and a little money latter they were headed north again, this time they stopped for gas and a much needed rest break. The sun had been high in the sky when they stopped and decided to stay overnight and head off for the next job the following morning, seemed sensible since this little backwater town looked clean enough.
It was August 24th around noon, when Sam stepped out of the shower and headed into the room taking no notice that Dean was watching him. Dean did that a lot and Sam took no notice now it didn’t even blip on his radar that he was watched like a hawk most days, some days of course he wasn’t watched at all. Sam had his ideas about what was going on but kept his mouth shut just in case he was wrong, a pissed off Dean wasn’t nice.
Sam found some clean jeans and a tee shirt and plonked himself down on his bed, opening a book he’d been reading for several weeks now.
Dean sat in the same position regarding Sam with the same passive expression, his mind whirling around, he had to finally get this all out in the open or things would be abysmal in the car the following morning. Dean didn’t like being an angry body at the best of times the worst of his nature came out and he knew he wasn’t pleasant. Better out in the open, so Sam had time to digest then kill him.
Sitting up and dropping his legs over the edge of the bed he scooted forward and lent his elbows on his knees before clearing his throat. Sam glanced up at him curiously.
“Sam can I ask you something?”
“Sure” Sam shut his book and put it on the nightstand.
“Have you ever had feelings for someone you totally shouldn’t have had?”
“Eh, what?”
“Okay intelligent answer, forget I said anything.”
“No Dean sorry, don’t leave it there. God in heaven you aren’t saying you had feelings for that pregnant girl back in Phoenix are you?”
“What, no, nothing like that. I mean like someone who if you had feelings for you’d be damned for all eternity type thing.”
“Not that I can recollect no, why Dean?”
“I have.”
“No way who?”
“You.”
Silence followed, only the hum of the air con unit which made Dean jump slight as it clicked on underneath the window. The silence filled the air, made it oppressive, and with Sam sitting opposite him with no expression on his face his hands folded in his lap, Dean began to think things couldn’t get any worse.
They did and on the 24th August at precisely 4pm Sam got up off his bed, slipped on his shoes, grabbed his jacket and walked out of the door.
~0~
Dean had been frantic with worry and hardly slept that night, he’d tried telephoning Sam but got the busy tone or his messaging service, no return call. Dean either sat on the bed or stood at the doorway looking like an anxious mother for her overly late child.
Come 6 am the following day, Dean found decent enough coffee from the coffee shop just next to the motel. He took the beverage back to the room and sat on the barely slept in bed and waited, wondering if Sam would in fact come back at all. It seemed logical he would all his stuff was still here but it was so unlike Sam to do something like this, Dean could see himself doing this but not Sam, Sam was far more sensible.
The hours rolled on and Dean’s stomach got the better of him and around 1pm he headed off to the coffee shop and bought some much needed food. He’d totally forgotten about eating and he was beginning to feel light headed. After eating he felt marginally better and sat back on the bed, another night paid for. Dean looked up at the ceiling for a few moments then turned on the TV, his eyes felt heavy and before he knew it he was asleep. He awoke with a start glanced at the clock it was 3.45 precisely, the TV was off and he couldn’t remember when or if he had turned it off. Sitting opposite from him was the figure of Sam watching Dean carefully from behind his long fringe (bangs).
“There you are, was wondering when you’d return Sam.”
“Just needed to do some thinking was all.”
“Okay, did wonder if you wanted to hit me, kill me or whatever.”
“No Dean I don’t want to do any of that.”
Silence followed and the clock ticked over to 3.50 pm, at least this time the silence wasn’t too awkward it was a little strange but not oppressive. Dean cleared his throat and looked back at Sam who was examining the floor.
“God Sam is it going to be this way now, you being silent all the time whilst I feel like a complete fool telling you that.”
“No Dean, I just didn’t really expect anything like that off you.”
“Well I can’t help it can I, I mean we’ve been stuck together for years in close quarters, hardly had the time to have proper relationships, so I’m assuming for us it’s normal.”
Dean stared at his feet and hoped his explanation would clear things up; it was worrying that Sam hadn’t lost the plot and punched Dean into the following week, he was so calm.
“I rang Bobby.”
Dean looked at Sam surprised, then reality hit and his eyes widened in shock.
“You didn’t..”
“No Dean I didn’t tell him anything, I just asked him if this sort of situation was common amongst hunters. Feelings of an unnatural nature between brothers, he said he’d heard of it but it wasn’t something discussed in open forum.”
“Oh” Dean visibly relaxed. “Look Sam I understand that you’re confused and probably feel disgusted with me…”
“Dean will you just shut up feeling sorry for yourself, haven’t you even thought just once that I may have felt the same about you too??”
It was Dean’s turn to be silent; he’d never even considered that Sam may feel the same, strange really.
Sam made his move and headed directly to where Dean was lying.
“Move over you idiot and lets talk this through”.
It was August the 24th at 4pm precisely.