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Jensen sat in his bed. He had been staring at his cell phone for the past twenty minutes. His right thumb hovered over the number 2 button, the speed dial for Jared’s phone number. Jensen tried to find the words he was going to say to Jared. He sighed. So far, no luck. No words was good enough to describe his feeling right now. His feeling towards Jared.
But hey, Jensen thought, perhaps Jared didn’t even need words to know Jensen’s true feeling. Perhaps Jared already knew all along.
Jensen sighed again.
Suddenly, his cell phone vibrated. Jensen almost jumped. He had used the silent mode as he had had enough of hearing his ring tone. During the days before the wedding, his cell phone had never stopped ringing. And now, he turned it into silent mode.
Jensen read the name on the LCD screen. Jared.
He immediately pressed the receive button.
“Jared?”
“Hi, Jen…”
Jensen cleared his throat.
“How are you, Jared?”
“Are you okay, Jen?” Jared sounded surprised, hearing his question.
“Yeah. Why?”
“Because you never ask me that."
“Yeah, well…” Jensen cleared his throat again.
“Jen, I don’t know how to say this to you. But, are you really okay?”
“Yes, Jared. Why do you keep asking me that?”
“Uhm…I don’t know. I got this feeling a while ago that uhm…” Jared trailed.
"What?"
“I don’t know ... that you needed me? Did you miss my coffee?” Jensen could hear the laughter in Jared’s voice.
“What? Are you a psychic now?” Jensen smiled.
Jensen placed his pillow on his lap and put his elbows on it, trying to find the most comfortable position while talking to Jared.
“Of course not! I am not Sammy Winchester,” Jared said.
There was a silence before Jared asked him again, “Are sure you're okay, Jen?”
“Yes, Jared. But I have something to talk to you, though. And to your parents."
"That sounds serious."
Jensen nodded. “Yes, it's serious."
“Where are you now, Jen? Are you in LA?”
“Nope. I’m at my parents’ house.”
"You're in Dallas? And you didn’t tell me anything about it? When did you get there? You do know that I've been in San Antonio since last week, don't you?"
"Me and Danneel only got here last night. And yes, I know you are in San Antonio. Do you have any plans today and tomorrow?”
“No, I don’t have anything to do. What’s wrong, Jensen?”
“Nothing’s wrong. It's just ... something I should have done a long time ago.”
“Jen…”
“No Jared, don’t ask me to talk about it now. I'll see you tomorrow, wait for me, okay?"
“I can wait for you forever!”
“Jared, sappy much?” Jensen laughed, though not heartily.
“You are the one that’s sappy!” Jared retorted, laughing back. "Will you be driving?"
Jensen thought about the long, lonely drive to San Antonio. If he drove fast, he could be in San Antonio in 5 hours. More or less. Maybe he should just take the flight.
“Jensen? Are you still there?”
“Yeah… What were you saying?"
“Are you driving to my house?”
“I don’t know yet. I’m thinking about driving. But, if I still have time, I’m gonna try to book a flight.”
Jensen looked at his watch. It was 9 am. Have to check the online ticketing, he thought. "Jared, I have to go. I'll tell you whether I'm going to drive or taking a flight, okay?”
“Yes, Jen. Looking forward to see you. Today?”
“I hope so.”
“Bye.”
“Bye, Jared.”
I love you, Jensen whispered. But Jared had already hung up.
Jensen sighed. He turned off his phone and got up from the bed and was startled to see Danneel in the room with him. He wondered how long she had been there, probably listening in to his phone conversation with Jared.
“You going to him?”
Jensen turned to her. She was standing with her arms crossed over her chest, just looking at him.
“Yes, I have to see him. I can’t stand it any more, Danneel. Parading in front of those photographers, in front of those strangers. That is just not me. Do you know…”
Jensen took a deep breath.
"... I've lost a lot of roles faster than I am breathing? All the charade, it's just not working. I’d rather stay home, let my agent do the work. You know.”
Danneel frowned. “What? Are you saying you don’t like the way I showed you off? I had to do that, Jensen! If you lost roles, that’s not my fault!”
Jensen was not ready to have this argument with his wife. He just wanted to stay away from her, as far as possible. He already knew what he was going to say to Jared. Heck, perhaps Jared already knew what he was going to say. He had more important things to do than argue with her. And he needed to book that flight, otherwise he had to drive instead.
"I'm not blaming you," Jensen said quietly, biting his lower lip. “That was one of the conditions we have to follow from this marriage. But, I’d rather stay with Jared…”
“Go ahead. Stay with him. But you do remember, don't you, that we have to live together for at least a year?”
Jensen did. They had to live under the same roof for a year until they could officially separate from each other. But Jensen couldn’t bear it anymore. It was only a month and it felt like 10 years already.
“You don’t have to remind me," he muttered, stalking out of the bedroom.
He went to the study, intending to use his father's computer to go online and book a flight. But Danneel followed him there.
"You go to him today if you want to, but you have to be back here tomorrow. You can’t stay with him.”
"I can’t do that. Not this time. I'm going to ask him to leave his wife. This…this ridiculous sham has to end. I don’t care about my career. We will have Season 6. I will stay with Jared until we have to go back to Vancouver for filming. I won’t see you again. You can say anything you want to your agents, to the network. I don’t care.”
“No…!”
Jensen raised his hand. "Stop! I said I don’t care anymore.”
He booted his Dad's computer, waited until he had his connection and started to check the airline's website. He missed the earlier flight, but there was another one, at 4 pm. That meant he had a few more hours before the flight. And, Jensen really wanted to stay away as far as possible from Danneel.
Unfortunately, he couldn't get away from her. They continued to argue, shouting at each other while his parents kept quiet, looking sad.
By the time Danneel gave up, Jensen was exhausted. He felt drained. He packed his bags and asked for the car keys from his mother. He just couldn't be near Danneel any longer. He would drive to San Antonio. To Jared. Now.
*****
Jared frowned when the call from Jensen ended. He thought he heard Jensen whispered ‘I love you’. He was quite sure of that, and that it was not just his imagination.
Jared already knew what Jensen was going to say to him. But he understood Jensen’s need to say it directly and not through the phone. And he couldn't wait to hear it.
Jensen had promised to call Jared about his travel arrangement. Jared hoped Jensen wouldn’t be so stupid as to drive all the way from Dallas to San Antone. Jared had once driven from his house to Dallas and he had almost passed out from the exhaustion.
The last time he met Jensen was when Jensen was in New York accompanying Danneel for the Upfront. Jared was alone as Genevieve was working in LA. Jared couldn’t help it. He knew people would see him in NY with Jensen and that they would talk about it. As per usual. But he didn't care.
He had missed Jensen so much. He was at Jensen’s wedding of course. But they didn’t get to see each other privately. The wedding was a quick one. An elegant wedding, Jared admitted, but he didn’t like it.
New York was his chance to see Jensen. He was back in San Antonio after that, keeping in touch with Jensen through the phone, but he had no idea that Jensen was in Dallas.
Now he was at his parents' house, sleeping in his old bedroom, eating his Mother’s cooking. He had brought Sadie and Harley along with him, and they were at that moment with his mother in the kitchen, begging for treats. There was no way he would left them in LA under Genevieve’s care. His wife had to work.
Jared finished his coffee and he sat on the couch in the living room, biting his lips. Thinking about Jensen. He was startled out of his reverie by his father's voice.
“Who was on the phone, Kiddo?”
Jared startled when his Dad asked him.
“Jensen…”
"Anything important?"
“Kind of, I don’t know.” Jared shrugged. He honestly didn't know. "He'll be here today."
“He is coming here?”
“Yes.”
“Jared, are you thinking what I am thinking?”
Jared sighed.
"Dad, I don't know what to say. Jensen had told me that we couldn't be together. He said that. Right now, we have to follow everything they set up, for the sake of our careers. I don’t want to hope otherwise…” Jared trailed off. He really wanted to be with Jensen but their agents had prevented them from doing that.
Jared was very much aware that there were gossips on the net saying he’d already separated from his wife. How he wished he could have shouted the truth to those fangirls!
*****
Jared was supposed to go grocery-shopping with Sherry. Megan had bailed out at the last minute and his mother had asked him to go instead, knowing that the mundane act of shopping would help clear his mind. But that was before the call from Jensen came.
He had cancelled his shopping date with her. Luckily, she understood, even though Jared didn't really say why. But Sherry had not been a mother for a day. She knew her children very well. And she knew, if Jensen called her son and said something, Jared would cling to his words like his life depended on them.
And she just knew what was Jensen coming for. She braced herself for it.
*****
Jared took his bath quickly and he ate his lunch hurriedly. His Mother frowned at him. She didn’t approve of the way he ate, Jared knew. Jared could hear her thinking, that her son needed a shovel to eat, instead of a spoon.
Jared didn’t want to miss Jensen’s call. Jensen had promised to call and yet it was already way past lunch time and he hadn’t done so.
Jared assumed that Jensen had taken the flight to San Antonio. And if so, Jensen would be here in no time.
Jared suddenly felt like a 14 year old girl, waiting for her first date to pick her up. He sighed.
This hiatus felt so long to him. Like Jensen, Jared didn’t have any projects to do. He had lost a few roles. Just like Jensen. Would there be more than 6 seasons of Supernatural? Honestly, if his agents kept losing roles for him, he’d rather play Sam Winchester for the rest of his career.
*****
An hour into his journey, his Mother called him. Donna told him Danneel had left their house.
“Almost no tears, Jensen,” his Mother said.
Somehow, Jensen knew Danneel wouldn’t shed any tears for their not-so sudden separation. She always knew that one day, he would leave her. At least, Jensen thought, her career was on the rise now. She could hook up with that gossip columnist any day. Jensen snorted at the thought.
Sure, she had lost a big one, failing to replace Megan Fox in that robot flick. But Jensen just didn’t care. Apparently, her recipe for success – appearing in front of paparazzi – had backfired. It didn't work. So, Jensen chose to go back to the way it used to be; stay at home, let his agents do all the work. Of course, he had to show his face once in a while, so Hollywood wouldn’t forget him.
After the call from his mother, Jensen thought of calling Jared. He knew Jared well. He was sure his friend was waiting for the call now. He could picture Jared sitting on that chair at the terrace, looking anxiously down at his cell phone waiting for Jensen to call him.
Jensen almost laughed imagining Jared that way. Oh, my very own puppy!, Jensen sighed.
Jensen wanted to drive faster but he didn't want to be arrested for going over the speed limit. If that happened, Jared had to wait longer.
Jensen couldn’t wait to meet Jared. Told him every thing, that he had changed his mind about them. He wanted to stay with Jared. In Vancouver. Anywhere. As long as they were together.
*****
After a few hours of driving, Jensen had to stop to eat. Or at least to have some coffee. He needed it.
He looked around for a small diner, the kind Sam and Dean Winchester visited daily. He didn't want to be recognized. He stopped at one, which wasn't anything much to look at, but as long as they served coffee, it was fine by him.
Jensen entered the diner. It was a good thing that it was past lunch time, so there were not many people inside. He chose a corner booth, away from the entrance.
The waitress, a middle-aged lady, greeted him and asked him for his order. She shook her head when Jensen only ordered coffee. “Sweetie, are you sure you only need coffee? From what I see, you need more than that,” she said.
Jensen smiled at her. “I’m sure, Maam. That’s what I need.”
To Jensen's surprise, the waitress suddenly sat on the chair in front of him, folding her hands on the table.
“Look, I can see it from your eyes. You are sad right now. And very tired. I suggest you eat. At least, try our special menu of the day. I don’t want you to have an accident because you're hungry.”
Jensen breathed in slowly before he smiled once again. “So, what do you have for the specials today?”
The waitress rattled off their specials. Jensen heard "burger" and "fries". He nodded. “Okay, I'll take the special.”
“Good! You'll like it, I guarantee.” She scribbled Jensen's order on her notebook and left him.
Jensen looked outside the window. It was summer, but the day was already dark. Without realizing it, Jensen had driven slower than he had planned.
And he had completely forgotten to call Jared, like he had promised Jared that morning. He rubbed his tired eyes.
The waitress was back. “Dinner will be ready in 10 minutes,” she informed him.
Jensen nodded, although he’d rather have his dinner now.
She was sitting in front of him again. “Where are you going, sweetie?”
"San Antonio.”
“San Antonio? Driving? You'll need a few hours more to get there. Where are you from?”
“Dallas. Outskirt of Dallas.”
“Your face is so familiar. Are you a movie star or something?”
“Or something,” Jensen smiled.
She stared at him and Jensen looked down, fidgeting.
“I knew it! I know you!” she exclaimed, waving her hands around excitedly.
She reached across the table and held both his hands in hers. "“You are in that show, the one with the brothers chasing down devils and demons!”
“My daughter is crazy about the younger brother, the one with the shaggy hair. You play the big brother. You're Jensen, right?” she laughed.
Jensen just nodded. Huh, even in this remote place, someone had recognized him. So much for finding a small diner.
“Are you visiting, what’s his name, the one who plays the younger brother?”
“Jared…”
“Yes, Jared! Are you visiting Jared?”
“Yes, I am. He's at home now. Thought I'd pay him a visit.”
Jensen didn't realize it but his eyes were sparkling when he talked about Jared. Even in front of this complete stranger.
“You love him,” she said calmly.
Jensen was shocked. He started to say something but the woman forestalled him.
“No, don’t deny it. A minute ago you were like…crushed, but when you talked about him just now, I can see it in your eyes, Jensen, you love him. I bet this visit is gonna be an important one.”
Was he that obvious? Jensen thought.
"Yes!"
Huh, had he said the words aloud? Apparently, he had.
It wasn't in Jensen’s plan to be outed by some waitress in a town he surely wouldn’t visit again in the near future. But, what the heck. He felt strangely relieved after hearing what she said.
Yes, he loved Jared. All this time. He was just too much of a coward to admit it out loud. But he guessed Jared already knew that.
The waitress left again, this time to fetch his order. And just like she said, his dinner plate was full with every thing! Suddenly, Jensen felt very hungry. She was right after all.
In no time, Jensen ate everything on his plate. He kissed the waitress’ cheek – she was blushing furiously – and left a big tip for her.
“Good luck, Jensen. Go get your man.”
Jensen waved at her and left the diner.
*****
Jensen paid attention to the road in front of him. It was already very dark. According to his GPS, he would reach Jared’s home in about an hour. And he still hadn't called Jared.
His mind was focused solely on Jared. He tried to picture it in his head on what would happen when he saw Jared. He had carefully thought out what to say, so that there wouldn't be any misunderstandings whatsoever, and that Jared wouldn't have any doubts of his intention.
Jensen was getting nearer to Jared's house. In about 10 minutes he would park his car in front of his friend’s childhood home. Okay, it was the final turn and Jared’s house was in the corner. He should see it now. Yes, there it was!
Jensen could see Jared’s hunched figure in the porch. Although he wasn’t sure whether Jared was asleep or awake.
It was now or never.
*****
Jared lifted his head when he heard a car approaching his house. Jensen’s car. He was parking the car and now he could see Jensen opening the car door and walking towards him.
It was now or never.
*****
Jensen saw Jared’s puffy face. Oh my God, he was crying? Jared was crying?
Jensen had steeled himself for anything that was coming, but he had not expected this….
*****
Jensen didn’t expect to be struck by a mini truck by the name of Jared. Jared hugged him, tight. Jensen couldn’t breathe. And it looked like Jared wouldn’t’ let him go anytime soon.
“Jen, where have you been? You promised to call me. You didn’t. I was so worried I couldn’t think. Did you drive? I thought you took a flight…” Jared was rambling.
Jared pulled Jensen inside the house, but he didn’t let Jensen go. “You can’t do that to me, Jen. Don’t you ever do that to me again. I was so worried.”
And Jared was sobbing. He buried his face in Jensen’s neck which quickly became wet with Jared's tears.
Jensen held Jared in his arms. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I didn't call you. I forgot. My mind was on you all the time, I couldn’t even think of anything else. I'm sorry Jared, for making you worry. I won’t do that again.”
Jared was still hiding his face in Jensen’s neck. Jensen inhaled Jared's scent deeply. To be secure in each other's arms, it was everything he wanted. He would happily repeat the driving from Dallas to San Antonio over and over, as long as in the end, he could be held in Jared’s arms.
“Jared, I'm sorry for telling you that we couldn't be together. I shouldn’t have said that to you. Ever. I want you. I want to live my life with you.”
Jensen felt Jared nodding.
“I want that too, Jen. I can’t stand to live alone in that Vancouver house or anywhere else. I want to share a house with you. Share everything with you,” Jared mumbled, he was sniffling now, no longer crying.
“We have to talk about so many things, Jared. But I want you to know that I’d rather be jobless and stay with you than having so many shows on my list but I have to forget about you. I can’t live with her. I already gave my heart to you. I love you.”
“I love you too, Jensen. I wanted to say the words a long time ago. But…” Jared couldn’t finish his sentence.
Jensen suddenly realized that Sherry and Jerry were in the living room. It looked like they had seen everything and heard every word. And just like Jensen’s parents, Jared’s parents also accepted any decision their son made. They smiled and left them alone.
Jensen leaned against Jared, and Jared's knees buckled. They fell on the carpeted floor with Jensen on top of Jared. They were still hugging tightly.
And because he was deeply exhausted and because he knew that Jared wouldn’t let him go, for the first time in so many days Jensen fell asleep. On top of Jared no less.
Nothing could separate them now. It was not about sex anyway. It was about love.
The End