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Author's notes: This isn't really a chapter there is hardly any plot devolopment
Prologue Jensen’s Suicide Letter
I’ve decided to write this letter because I am going to kill myself, I really cant stand the idea of living like this and I just wanted to assure you that it was nothing you did, nothing anyone. I just can’t do it. I mean yeah all teens angst it comes with the territory I guess but A) I didn’t sign up for this and B) well I guess I have no B).so this is the part where I’m going to address everyone and reminisce about our fun times and explain how none of you could have stopped this. It’s just something I had to do. Because for me there was no other way out of this depression. I kinda just really hate myself… a lot. And well everyone says you have to love your self before you can love others well little none fact you have to love yourself before you can accept the love of others to.
So here goes
Tom - ahhh favorite I don’t have to many nicknames for my friends but you will always be favorite after we decided that everyone needs a favorite person and we might as well be each others even though at the time I had known you for about a week, lol our conversations about food (yum) and boys and plans to get wasted I know I could always come to you but I don’t want help I Love you for ever and I know you and rosey will get married and have beautiful children one day. I regret not being able to see these things but its best for me.
Kane bestiest I’m so glad I met you while helping tom find a prom suit it’s not everyday you have to best friends that are also brothers. Or well it is everyday for me. I know you’ll get a girlfriend and be happy and I know you know how much I love you and your brother. I also know you’ll remember me fondly every time you see a pair of leather assless chaps the Wellington-kanes will always be good people in my book
Mom I hate that you’ll hate me for doing this to myself I trust you to know I love you. And I know you think what I’m doing is selfish but maybe you asking me to live was selfish and you better not doubt your mothering skills cuz this isn’t your fault its mine and if you think its yours go fuck yourself because you always taught me to own up to my decisions and that no one could ever make me do anything so don’t become a hypocrite now.
To the children I never got to have I apologize because I would have loved you so much no matter what. To all my peers I never got to meet I apologize for never meeting you. And to my Soulmate I deeply with all my heart apologize to because I need you more then I need to breathe I wish you were here to hold me and listen to me and to kiss me and make me smile when it feels like a will be perpetually crying. I apologize for never getting to know you or make love to you. I apologize for never knowing whether or not you are actually out there. Maybe you could of stopped this but I truly doubt it since fate did not being us together sooner.
With all my Love
Jensen
Jensen read over the letter in his hands. Truly not wanting to hurt everyone he cared about but not wanting to hurt any longer. Decided to test fate. He wasn’t sure if it was because Serendipity was playing in the background or if because he truly didn’t want to die. He was almost completely sure it was the first one but he got on his knees and prayed allowed anyway to whoever was listening if anyone was.
”Dear god, Satan, Jesus, goddess and anyone else anyone has ever prayed to including led zepplin and RuPaul if you want me to live, tomorrow at school send me sign, and a sign to know that the first sign is the sign from you or wait scratch that, its to complicated just like send me a sign and I’ll try and see it okay? Okay. I Love you I guess is that appropriate if not well I’m sorry I don’t do this thing often but yeah oh and keep everyone I care about safe. Thank you”