Work Text:
Author's notes: Written during Season 4
“You can’t. And it’s dad’s fault.”
“Yeah, it is dad’s fault I’m not a needy, whiny, new-age wimp; and I’m glad.”
“It’s not wimpy to express your feelings, Dean.”
“Yeah, it kinda is.”
Sam shrugs. “Fine. I still think it takes balls to show people how you feel. You live by the motto ‘real men don’t cry.’ That’s crap. Only real men cry. Dad pushed that marine code on you. It doesn’t matter, though, you just don’t have it in you.” Sam’s pretty sure Dean will take the bait. Well, hopeful, at least.
“I don’t have it in me to cry? Have you lived with me for the last year?” Dean asks sarcastically. “And, with the feelings stuff…I could do it if I wanted to,” he says, a little defensively.
Sam turns in the seat. “Prove it,” he challenges.
“What, now?” Dean asks, looking across to Sam. He should’ve seen that coming. Stupid.
“Yeah, say something to change my mind.” Sam lightly bites the inside of his cheek to stop himself from smiling; that wouldn’t help the situation.
Dean is quiet for about twenty seconds.
“Yeah, didn’t think so,” Sam says, taking Dean’s silence for defeat.
Before Dean can talk himself out of it, he blurts out, “You know how I say that if I had a normal life, I’d blow my brains out? Well, sometimes I think about it. What it’d be like to have a normal life; no hunting.” He pauses for a few seconds, but it’s too late to shut up now, so he continues, now speaking slower. “Sometimes, after a bad hunt, it sounds a little more appealing. Remember when we drank that African dream root, and you saw Lisa in my head? That kind of normal.” He goes silent again, his concentration focused on the blacktop ahead. He doesn’t want to see Sam’s reaction.
Sam stares at Dean, speechless. Finding his voice, he dares to venture further. “Like wife-and-kids normal?”
Dean laughs, softly and self-consciously. “I dunno.” Dean trails off, resisting the urge to squirm in the seat.
Sam answers Dean’s thought, rather than his words. “You would’ve made a good dad, Dean.”
They both make eye contact for a moment. Dean gives him a doubtful look, which then turns thoughtful. Focusing back on the road, he says, “You think?”
“Yeah. Remember that kid, Lucas?”
“Yeah, and his cute mom. He was a good kid.”
“Well, you’re the one who got through to him. Not to mention the fact that you were a second dad to me.”
Dean smiles. “You know, come to think of it, I did give some fatherly advice to Ben.”
“What did you tell him?”
Dean’s smile grows wider. “I told him to stand up to bullies, and then taught him how to knee someone in the jewels. He executed it perfectly, too.”
Sam can’t help but laugh.