Archive of Our Own ^beta

Jensen shifted uncomfortably on his parent’s couch as the final scenes of the last episode of season four played out live on the television in front of him. As the credits rolled, silence reigned in the living room for several heartbeats until Donna Ackles turned to both he and Jared.

“That was amazing, boys,” she smiled, patting Jared on the leg where he sat next to her. “Painful to watch, but you were both brilliant.”

Alan Ackles nodded. “The two of you really took this season to another level. Excellent work, both of you.”

Jared beamed. “Thanks, Papa Ackles,” he replied, then turned and directed his smile at Jensen.

But instead of responding, Jensen simply stood and left the room without a word.

~~~~~

On the back deck a few moments later under the moonlit sky, Jensen rested his hands on the railing and dropped his head, releasing a heavy breath.

He hated watching himself perform, but this last episode was particularly bad. Not because he found anything wrong with either his performance or Jared’s, but because his mother had hit the nail on the head. It was just painful to watch Sam and Dean’s relationship completely destroy itself.

With their shooting schedule being as crazy as it was – scenes filmed out of order, doing second unit work on an episode from two weeks ago in the middle of filming the current episode – combined with the fact that neither he or Jared liked watching themselves, it didn’t really hit home until watching the entire season finale tonight how far the Winchester brothers had fallen apart.

And he hated it.

Jensen was brought out of his musings when Jared’s large, warm hand settled between his shoulder blades and rubbed gently.

“You okay?” Jared asked quietly, the question drifting off into the warm summer night air in Dallas.

Jensen sighed again, then straightened up and faced the taller man. “Not really,” he admitted. “It’s just…” he gestured abstractly with his hand. “That hurt to watch. And I wish I knew where Kripke was going with all of this.”

Jensen turned and started to pace back and forth restlessly in short strides. “I mean, the core of the show has always been Sam and Dean’s relationship and right now that’s just gone. I’m not saying this hasn’t been an incredible season, because it has. You’ve been wanting Sam to go dark for a long time now and you’ve been absolutely amazing. But how do Sam and Dean get past this?”

Jensen stopped pacing and looked directly at Jared. “How do they ever get their bond back? How do they go back to being brothers again? I mean-“

His ramblings trailed off as he spied Jared’s soft smile and Jensen shook his head with his own grin.

“I sound like an obsessed 13 year-old fangirl, don’t I?”

Jared shook his head. “No. It sounds like you care. You’re not just mindlessly reading words off a script. You’re invested in this show and in Dean Winchester. And you should be. We are these characters 12 hours a day, 9 months a year for four years now.”

“Which makes it even harder to play them growing further apart – “

“When the two of us have grown anything but,” Jared finished, stepping forward, resting his hands on Jensen’s hips before dipping his head and capturing Jensen’s mouth for a long, slow kiss.

Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared’s back and pulled the other man even closer, molding their bodies together as he let himself fall into the languid kiss. Jared’s lips were soft against his, his skin warm beneath Jensen’s fingertips, and he felt himself relax for the first time that night, surrounded by Jared.

They held on to one another for long moments, gradually letting the kiss come to an end, standing quietly together under the star-filled sky.

Jensen tipped his head and regarded Jared intently. “Do you want a happy ending for Sam and Dean?” he asked sincerely.

Jared nodded slowly. “I think they deserve it,” he answered, before smiling warmly at Jensen, his hazel eyes full of love. “But as long as I get my happy ending with you, that’s all that matters to me.”

THE END