Chapter Text
Disclaimer: I don't know the boys and this definitely never happened. I don't mean to be disrespectful in anyway; I'm just having fun. They are gorgeous and lovely so it's easy to want to write about them.
A/N: This story follows Jensen and Jared through Fall 2008. There are some videos you might want to watch to understand it better, but they are not necessary: Red Bull Soapbox Derby, BuddyTV interview from the fourth season and Salute to Supernatural Chicago con. Youtube has them. And this story has very mild spoilers until the episode On the Head of a Pin. Enjoy!
The Heart of Life
First Chapter: September 2008
Red Bull Soapbox Derby
Jensen sometimes wonders if perhaps life would be a little bit saner if he had decided to become a physical therapist after all. Maybe he would now have a family of his own, a lawn to mow, and a friendly neighbor to greet. Not this, never this. He’s just buying food for crying out loud. He’s not an animal in some zoo. People are not supposed to film other people when they are not there to be filmed. There’s a time when he’s for everybody, a time for work. Then it’s okay, almost anything is. Just… not when he’s minding his own business. Sheesh!
He looks at the camera and knows that it can be seen on the film. He’s freaked. Of course he is. Who wouldn’t be? Jared, he thinks and relaxes slightly. But the guy is crazy, a natural. Perhaps too kind for the business, but still a natural.
He pays for the food and leaves too quickly, his movements rigid and uncertain. He needs to remember to take his sunglasses with him next time. At least then it won’t be so clear how freaked out he actually is by the unnecessary attention.
“Brought me some pie?”
“I never forget the pie.” Jensen grins, tossing one of the calzones to Jared who is stretched out on the hotel room bed, smiling his crazy-wide smile.
“What is it?”
“What? This? It’s good.” He takes two Cokes from the fridge, hands one to Jared and then sits on the armchair beside the bed. “It’s called Devil’s Bread. It’s Pizza from Hell.” He stretches the last words, lazy and comfortable.
“No. You. You look like you saw a ghost.” Jared sits up, his smile gone for now.
Jensen stiffens a little and then forces his muscles to let go. Sometimes he hates it, hates Jared’s ability to see through him. What are those small clues he can read so well? Maybe he should study his face more and learn to erase them. “Nothing. Just fans.”
Jared looks at him for a moment, tilts his head to the right, and laughs. “Did somebody try to sneak their hand under your shirt again?”
It’s never easy to not smile around Jared Padalecki. Perhaps because Jared is constantly trying to make him smile. “I’m going to kill you for that picture.”
“I had to. It was hilarious. You saw your face. You look so… adorable,” he mimics Dean’s way of saying the word, “when you’re in a sticky situation.”
“I hate you, Padalecki.”
Jared just waves a hand at him and takes a huge messy bite out of his calzone. He looks like he wants to say something, but his mouth is too full, and Momma’s good manners are preventing him from doing so. He chews and still manages to smile. He looks ridiculous, and Jensen just knows that he can do this. He can take it all because he also has this. There is someone sharing it with him, someone who knows, who sees, who tries as hard as he does. Jared is in the same sinking boat with him. They can do it.
“Whatcha thinking?” Jared finally asks, licking his lips, crumbs disappearing into his mouth.
“That I hate this less when you’re here.”
Jared shrugs, but he’s obviously pleased, his eyes softer all of a sudden. He takes a sip from his Coke before saying, “You didn’t hate it today. Did you hear those girls? We’re awesome.”
“That… wasn’t so bad,” he says, relaxing a little more against the softness of his chair. Jensen likes fans, he really does. It’s just a little too overwhelming at times. “And neither was the race. I would’ve totally kicked your ass if I’d had enough muscle behind me. Your guys were stronger and faster.”
“You, my friend, are a sore loser.”
He grins, satisfied, the warmth of the slowly setting sun pleasant on his skin. Somehow the day feels much better. “At least I got to scare you a bit with my mad driving skills.”
“Oh…you did. You did. All I could think of was: ‘Oh shit, Kripke will kill us.'” Jared laughs and all is right in the world. They might be gradually becoming too famous. Jared might have lost the love of his life just a few months ago. And Jensen… Well, he is happy now. It’s worth it.
Jared throws the leftovers in the trash can and then flops back onto the bed, letting out a long deep breath. “Want to stay in and watch a game or…?” It’s not really a question and Jensen hears it. Jared is tired.
“Stay in. Enough of this craziness for one day, me thinks.”
It doesn’t take long for Jared to fall asleep in front of the TV, the remote still held close to his heart. Ice hockey is not something either of them is particularly interested in even though NHL does have some excitement to offer. It’s just that growing up in Texas didn’t really teach them to love winter sports, and the long years in Vancouver, Canada haven’t been able to change that much.
Jensen takes the remote from Jared’s hand and turns off the TV, stretching long and lean before walking to the door. He glances back, a smile lingering on his lips. Yeah, he kinda loves the guy, his goofy nature and the heart he wears on his sleeve. Jared may think he talks too much, may think his verbal diarrhea is something that annoys other people, but in truth, he’s the best person Jensen has ever known. Sometimes Jensen wishes he could stop the world from hurting people like Jared. He knows Jared can take care of himself, knows because Jared is most of the time better at it than he is, but still, sometimes he wishes. Just because.
He opens the door, closes it behind him, takes two steps and opens the opposite door. His room is almost a copy of Jared’s - only the colors are different. The bed cover on his bed is blue instead of green and the wall to wall carpet is off-white, not light-brown like Jared’s. Jensen thinks it’s absolutely ridiculous to have white carpet on a hotel room floor. It’s just begging to be stained with wine or something equally difficult to remove.
He could still drive them home, but this way Jared will get enough sleep. They have rooms; they can stay. It’s easy. Tomorrow is a day off anyway.
BuddyTV interview and filming Yellow Fever
It's one of those crazy days when they don't even have enough time to sit down for a second, let alone eat something. Debbie from BuddyTV is awfully sweet, but it's Jared again with his big mouth that makes things a bit too difficult for Jensen. Yes, it is a joke. Yes, he lets Jared say these insane things just to make fans laugh. But really? A crush? Where does the guy find these ideas? And why is the joke always on him?
Jensen knows Jared is self-conscious about his body and maybe it is a bit mean, but he just can't stop himself. "Why do you sweat so much?" he asks the camera and then it's just rolling downhill from there. It's funny. Of course it is, and he knows nothing he says can really hurt Jared, but maybe this time, they should have just been serious.
And Jared even turns that against him, the bastard.
"I'm always crying?" he asks Jared when they are leaving the set close to midnight. "My eyes are always on you? What chick flick have you been watching? And you do realize it's entirely your fault that there's a whole fan base out there that thinks it would be awfully cute to see us two together, don't you?"
Jared snorts, patting Jensen on the shoulder. "Aww... Have you been reading fan fiction again?"
"You know I hate that shit," he says, shrugging the hand off his shoulder. He does sound a bit angry, even to his own ears. So maybe he doesn't like this, maybe there are limits to his sense of humor.
"Are... Did it upset you?" Jared stops before they reach the car. "Jensen, are you serious?"
"No. I don't know. Maybe. No."
"What part? Do you want me to stop? I can stop."
"No. No, it's not that. Never mind. I'm just tired." He makes a Dean gesture without really noticing it, sliding his hand over his mouth. Maybe it's just the damn long day. "Can you drive? I'm beat."
"Yeah... Yeah, no problem."
The drive home is quiet. Jared is quiet, and it's nerve-wracking. It's the end of the world if Jared is quiet. Jensen feels like an idiot, and he has no idea how to fix the situation. He doesn't want Jared to change. He doesn't want anything to change. He wants Jared to feel like he can do and say any crazy thing he wants where Jensen is concerned. It's home. It's the way they are. He lets Jared tell idiotic stories about himself because... Because it's Jared.
"Hey man, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I really don't want you to stop."
They drive through a yellow light and they both kiss the tip of their finger and tap it on the roof of the car. Jensen learned it from Jared. Stupid superstition. But it changes the atmosphere in the car and Jared's hands on the wheel relax. "So... Everything's fine?"
"Yes. Fine."
The way home is dark, the porch light left unlit. Jensen opens the door and flips the switch in the hall, toeing his shoes off and padding across the floor to the kitchen to let Sadie and Harley out.
The dogs are happy to see them, like always, and it feels nice. It's odd to have someone waiting for him, even if they are just dogs. Of course to Jared, they are his babies. It makes Jensen smile, the scene in front of him, Jared's affectionate way of greeting the little mutts. To truly know a guy, you only need to see him with his dogs.
He leaves Jared alone after a moment, playfully demanding that he either orders something or makes something. He's starving. They messed up on set today, all of them. One camera is out of use now until they are able to fix it. More takes, more screaming. It’s tiring to look afraid all the time.
Jensen enters his room, leaving the door open for Sadie to follow him in whenever she feels like it. Jared's house doesn't really feel like home yet, but he's getting used to it. Maybe it's home compared to other places he's lived in while in Canada. The house is pretty big so most of the downstairs is actually Jensen’s. He finds it amusing that he’s in the same situation as when he first moved to LA. He has a roommate again. Luckily Jared isn’t as messy as some people might assume.
They have already settled into a routine over the few months Jensen has resided at Jared’s place: come home, let the dogs out, change into comfortable clothes, eat, chat or watch something or both, then go to sleep because of the early morning wake up call. Eat and sleep, those two sound so perfect to Jensen now that he’s barely thinking of anything else while taking out his contacts. He can hear Jared ordering food for them, and he feels like building a shrine to the guy. Jared is a life-saver.
“The usual?” Jared asks, leaning against the doorframe of Jensen’s room, his hair flying to all directions because of the shirt he’s just pulled off.
Jensen nods. This late, his usual is either spicy Kung Po chicken or kebab with rice. He doesn’t really care, either way is good. He watches Jared wander off, Sadie and Harley at his heels, desperate for his attention. Jensen smiles as he takes his shirt and jeans off, changing into sweat pants but leaving the faded T-shirt on. If people only knew how boringly normal their lives were, they wouldn’t be so god damn interested in invading their privacy. His father couldn’t really prepare him for this, never so famous, never loved by thousands of little (and not so little) girls. He’s getting used to it, but it’s still strange. Even now when he looks at himself in the mirror opposite his bed, he can’t really see why people think he’s gorgeous. He has a funny chin and too full lips and his eyelashes make him look ridiculous. But he knows that this face gives him the roles, the expressions he can make with it. And the older he gets the less people think he's just a boy with a pretty face. He has a good twenty years to get the roles he wants.
"Are you going to stare at yourself the whole night?" Jared asks, amusement clear in his voice as he moves to stand beside Jensen, placing an arm around his shoulders and looking at them in the mirror. When Jensen doesn't answer immediately, Jared leans closer and says, "Aren't we just the cutest couple?" He shows his white, pearl-like teeth, making such a face that Jensen loses it, laughing so hard it hurts. Jared seems awfully pleased with himself when he continues, "Yes, yes, old man, you should only look into the mirror when there are crazy Texans standing next to you. Otherwise you'll lose all hope and start thinking that they're all after your booty and nothing else."
"Dude, shut up." He's trying to stop laughing, but the hardships of the day are finally catching up with him and he just can't. When he starts coughing, Jared pounds him on the back, encouraging him to let it all out, his voice anything but serious. Jensen leans over against his thighs, breathing hard, tears in his eyes. "Just... go... I can't... stop..."
"Good." Jared pats him on the head. "You've been high-strung all day. It's never fun."
"It's been... that... obvious?" Jensen asks between bursts of laughter - which are, to his utter humiliation, turning into giggles. He hates himself a little for being so weak, but Jared's closeness and impossible words make it easier to bear. Partly it is because of this that he survives. Human beings aren't supposed to work sixteen-hour days.
Jared finally lets go of Jensen, not quite leaving yet, just staring, a look in his eyes very similar to the one he only has for his dogs. That gives Jensen odd ideas of him being one of the pets, and he shakes his head, trying to get that image out of his mind.
"What?" Jared's trademark puppy-dog eyes of doom are fully unleashed on him now. It's impossible to resist them; it always has been. Jensen tries anyway.
"Nothing. I just think I'm almost asleep already."
"Dude, we still need to eat. Just stay in an upright position and do not, I repeat, do not even look at the bed."
Jensen is usually a good listener, because of the whole acting thing, but right now, he's missing most of what Jared is saying. He sits on the edge of his bed and covers his face with his hands, mumbling unintelligible things.
Jared grabs his shoulders and shakes him gently. "Jensen. Seriously." He kneels on the floor, stumbling a little in his tired state of mind. "I have no idea why we didn't just pick up something to eat. Now we have to wait. We should start making lists: what to do before going home. That way we wouldn't forget everything all the time."
"Sounds good." His neck is aching for some reason and without thinking, he starts massaging it. His arm brushes against Jared's, but it doesn't really matter. Jared has always been like this, always too close, always ignoring Jensen's personal space. He has no idea why it has never bothered him. Maybe because Jared is so comfortable with closeness.
"Jensen, don't fall asleep yet. Hey, wake up."
It's impossible to stay there, to stay with Jared when his whole body is screaming for sleep. His eyes are so heavy, and there is nothing rational left inside his head. His world is beginning to feel blurry but pleasantly warm. He leans forward, letting his head rest against Jared's shoulder, his glasses askew. "...Am... sleep..."
"Okay. Up. Get up, ugly. You haven't eaten anything the whole day. A few more minutes won't kill you." Jared lifts them both up and walks them into the kitchen, Jensen flush against him. "Sit and don't lean on the table. No. Stay up. I'll go to the door. Food should be here any minute now." After one final 'Sit!', Jared leaves Jensen alone with his incredibly funny ideas of Jensen, the dog, who sits, rolls over, and dies whenever someone tells him to. Jensen laughs, feeling awfully cheerful all of a sudden.
"I’m gone for a few minutes and you're giggling again.” Jared drops a plastic bag full of amazingly tasty-smelling food on the table. “What now?"
“You told me to sit.”
“Um… Yeah?”
“Wuf.”
Jared looks bemused. “You’re weird.”
“I agree.” Jensen grins, a slightly insane glint in his eyes. “Don’t tell anyone,” he adds quickly, thinking that maybe the rest of the world doesn't find it as amusing as he does.
“Oh, I’m so going to blackmail you. Give me all your money or I’ll tell everyone that you’re my dog.”
“You’re going to tell anyway. You always do. I’m never safe around you. You’re worse than all the paparazzi combined.” The grin on his face only widens, his whole body showing effects of sleep deprivation as he slouches at the table.
“Just eat. If I let you talk now, you’ll regret it in the morning and then blame me for it.”
Jensen eats, but then decides that he also wants to share something. “Jared…”
“What?”
Jensen knows he doesn’t say these things often, knows that when he does, it means a lot, sees it in Jared’s eyes. Jared might seem confident, but there are times when he’s begging for acceptance, acceptance of his friends, family and even fans. He is fragile that way. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For letting me stay, for being who you are, for caring. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.” Words can’t really ever reach what it all means to him, but sometimes he has to try. Jared should know. He deserves to know.
Jared blushes deep red, and then ducks his head, trying to hide it. Jensen thinks it's perhaps a bit too endearing, considering that Jensen doesn't usually find anything guys do endearing. Jared seems to be an exception. He always is.
Jensen stands, puts his leftovers into the fridge, and then pats Jared on the shoulder. "I'm off to bed. Good night."
"Night," Jared says, placing his hand over Jensen's heart. "And thanks."
"No problem." Jensen heads to his room, finding 'bed' the most alluring word he has ever heard.
TBC...
A/N: Beta-changes have been added to this chapter. Fortunately there weren't many. My dear beta is the lovely and talented One_of_J4. Thank you so very much. *hugs beta*