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Author's notes: I don't own J2... unfortunately.. : (
Let Him Go
He didn’t want to wake up, because when he woke up, it really meant that this was happening. Jensen heaved a sigh as he lifted himself into a sitting position on his bed. ‘This happens to hundreds of people, right? Then why does it feel like I’m the only that hurts?’ He had to close his eyes, but opened them up right away because all that he saw was his face. The brown hair fell into his eyes, and those dimples peaked out, like they were trying to hide behind that beautiful smile. He pushed himself off of the bed, and started to walk in the direction of the shower. That was when he caught a glimpse of the invitation. The invitation.
Jensen only had the energy to give a dark glare, before stumbling into the bathroom. He turned the shower on and quickly slipped off his pants. Walking directly into the stream of hot water, he could only think about what the invitation said, Together with their family, Jared Tristan Padalecki and Sandra Christina McCoy request the honor of your presence at their marriage. When he first read that yesterday, all of the breath, that he had, left his body.
He stood in the open doorway to his apartment, the keys still swinging in the lock, just staring at the colorful piece of paper. Marriage. He knew that they were ‘in love’, but marriage? Jared hadn’t even said anything to him about it. He was in so much shock that he almost missed the phone going off in his pocket. Slipping the ‘request’ into his other hand, he reached for his phone. Hesitatingly, he picked up.
“What’s up?” He got out, though barely, because it was starting to feel like his throat was closing up.
“D’you get it, yet?” An excited voice answered on the other end. Jensen had to purse his lips together to keep out the sob, so he just murmured his reply. “You’re going to be my best man, right? I mean, I was going to ask Chad, but, we seem like better friends, you know?” Jensen could hear the self-conscience question in the guy’s voice. He was going to reassure him, but found out that he couldn’t speak. “You there, man?”
Clearing his throat, he was finally able to respond. “Yeah, dude, I’m here. And of course I’ll be the best man. So who’s the maid of honor? Sandy’s gonna hook me up with a hot chick, right?” It physically pained him to get that out. Who gave a shit that the bride’s maid was good looking? It wasn’t like he was going to be able to have any fun at all that night, anyway. Jared was happily rambling on, but that didn’t keep Jensen from thinking back to when they first met.
The creators called them all into a big office room, and were all there in time except for Jared. Jensen was getting pretty pissed, because he didn‘t want to have to wait the entire time the show was on air, when all of a sudden this huge man came walking into the room with an abashed expression on his face. The gorgeous guy quickly went into a story about how his car decided to break down, and he had to take a taxi cab to get there, and that he didn’t expect there to be so much traffic. Jensen was still ready to write him off, that was until the man took a seat next to him. The goliath turned to him with a smile, dimples popping out, and extending his hand. “I’m Jared.“ He said. “Jensen.” the older man replied. Their hands collided, and Jensen’s stomach clenched immediately. ‘Down boy,’ was all that he could think at the time, but when he went home that night, he quickly found out that those dimples were engraved in his brain forever.
“Dude, are you sure you’re there?” Jared’s voice asked, tearing him from his memory.
Knowing that he had to get off the phone as soon as possible, he quickly mumbled an excuse about having to call his mother, and hung up. He lifted the invitation back into his view, and couldn’t help but wince. How could this have happened, and so fast? Rolling his eyes, he turned around and took the keys out of the door finally, and closed it behind him.
The water washed away his tears, though he'll never admit to crying over that boy. ‘Pathetic, man. Absolutely pathetic.’
- - - -
It was the night of the rehearsal dinner, and Jensen just wanted to go curl up in a corner and die. The newlyweds-to-be were all happy and shining bright, which definitely didn’t reflect the mood that he was in. He had to literally bite his tongue when he went up to Sandy and congratulate her. She, of course, smiled and gave him a huge hug, that made him want to throw up, and gave him an almost teary-eyed speech about how happy she was that he could be there to share their happy day. Everything was just so happy. Jensen just wanted to say, ’Fuck happy!’, and walk out of there, but he couldn’t disappoint Jared, no matter how much Jared was disappointing him.
Seeing the tall man, across the table smiling, made him start to think back to the first time he fell in love with his smile. They were rehearsing a stunt, and for some reason the floors were really slippery. So when Jensen went to turn to Jared and say his line, the latter stepped forward, slipped, and fell backwards, onto the shorter man. Jensen caught him immediately, but felt himself start to fall with the guy in his arms. They tried to twist and gain their footing back, but it didn’t work. They ended up on the floor with Jared practically straddling his co-star, and it took all of Jensen’s ability to not blush. Everyone started cracking up, including them, and when Jensen looked up to see if Jared was okay after the fall, the world practically stopped. The younger man was bright red from the laughter, and his eyes glistened from the tears that wanted to come out. It must have been the light, but something in those striking eyes of his made him pause slightly, and for just a second, Jensen could see himself looking into those eyes forever.
When he came back from reminiscing, he looked up again and saw those eyes sparking at someone else. He felt his jaws start to clench, and immediately tried to relax once again. After taking a couple of breaths and a long sip of water, he tried to make conversations with his neighbors. He had to talk about something, anything but how happy those two were.
Sometime between the entrees and the dessert, both of the boys’ eyes caught. Maybe if Jensen would have told him how he felt, instead of keeping his feelings to himself. Maybe if he wasn’t so afraid of what Jared would say back to him. Jen felt his eyes tear up, but quickly masked it with a fake cough. Catching a glimpse of Jared and Sandy sharing their cheesecake, Jensen couldn’t help but think that this was the time that he was seriously going to lose him. That this was going to be the end.
- - - -
Jensen couldn’t believe that it lasted till this long, as they were all standing up at the altar. He was sure that something was going to happen, either Sandy or Jared would have second thoughts, or that he would get enough balls to tell Jared how he felt. Neither happened, so he was stuck standing in front of hundreds of people with a fake grin permanently attached to his face, wearing the most uncomfortable suit.
The two actors spent about an hour together before the ceremony and the entire time he couldn’t get those perfect words out. All he could do was sit and stare at the man as he went over his wedding vows over and over. There were no words for how irritated that made Jensen. He was an actor for goodness sake. Part of their job was to remember lines, and now of all days, Jared had to sit there and confess his love for another woman, over and over again. Right when Jensen was about to stop the younger guy spewing out the heartfelt words, freaking Murray came in, and told them that it was time to head up to the church.
It was the time when the preacher said, “Speak now or forever hold your peace.” that made Jensen start to think things through. It was finally Jensen’s turn to rectify the situation, and it was his and Jared’s last chance to be together. He looked up at the couple who were in the center of everybody’s attention, and his heart sank at what he saw.
Sandy looked stunning, with a long flowing dress, and with the most beautiful smile plastered on her face. It was obvious that she was staring into the eyes of the love of her life, and when he looked over to the groom, he could see that love reflected in those eyes. He must have stood there, staring at the two of them forever, because when he came to, the service was over, and everyone was standing up, cheering for the officially married couple. He blinked once, and then twice, before joining in on the clapping. He tried to smile for them, but all he could get out was a longing glance as he watched them walk down the aisle. As long as his boy was happy, that was all that mattered. But it seemed like such a crime that he was the only one that knew he had to let the love of his life go.