Narcissism



When Jensen walked onto set on Monday morning with two Jareds in tow, he was expecting a little bit more of a reaction from Eric.

"Great," Eric said, jotting something down on his clipboard after carelessly glancing at both Jareds. "Now we can do that Sam-gets-cloned episode I've been pushing for." Without another word, he walked away, muttering to himself.

"Told you he wouldn't freak," Jared1 said.

"Hand it over," Jared2 grinned.

"Shuddup," Jensen grumbled, passing each Jared a twenty then glaring after the two of them as they both headed off to makeup.

~

Friday night

"Dude, just shut the computer down already, you're missing the start of the game!"

"No, wait, come check this out..."

Jensen rolled his eyes and put the remote down, hauling himself to his feet with a put-upon groan. "What? That better be some good porn or something..."

Jared shook his head. "Nah, man. Look - I found this website full of spells and shit. Looks like some of them actually work."

Jensen frowned. "Uh, Jared? You know you're not Sam, right?"

"Shut up! I like this sort of shit. It's fun to mess around with."

Jensen grunted. "Whatever. Come and watch the game when you're out of character." He sat down again, putting his feet back up on the table and picking up the remote. Eventually Jared came and threw himself down on the couch next to him, and they watched the game.

At about midnight, Jared passed out on the couch from all the tequila. Jensen grinned and tossed a blanket over him, then swayed over to the computer to check his email.

Huh. Jared had left the computer on, and the internet browser was still open, pointing at the page Jared had been ogling before. Jensen rolled his eyes and was about to close it when something caught his eye.

Got something you love? Want more of it? Try this...

Despite himself, Jensen clicked on the link. The spell didn't seem too hard; it involved stuff Jensen had in his kitchen already. Taking another swig from the tequila bottle, no longer grimacing at the taste, Jensen printed off the spell and stumbled into the kitchen.

Hours later, Jensen woke with his cheek stuck to his kitchen table. He grunted, tried to move, and found his limbs heavy and lax. Eventually he managed to coax his face off the table, and found that he'd fallen asleep in a puddle of honey and random herbs, leftover from the spell he'd done the night before.

Ah shit, he thought to himself as his arms and legs came back to life. Better clean this up before Jared gets up... Jensen could only imagine the years worth of teasing if Jared ever discovered what Jensen had done in a haze of tequila.

As if the thought had awoken him, Jensen heard a thump from the living room. Damn. There were mutters and grumbles - the usual sounds of Jared waking up - and then a resounding yell.

"Fuck!"

"FUCK!"

Forgetting the mess in the kitchen, Jensen ran into the living room, saw what was on the couch and the floor, and promptly passed out.

~

"Jensen! JENSEN!"

"Come on, man, wake up, it's not that bad..."

Jensen tugged his eyes open and blinked at the blurry faces hovering about two inches from his own.

"Dude. Back off," he groaned. "You seen my glasses? I'm seeing double again..."

There was laughter, and Jensen blinked a few times to clear his vision.

Ohshit. He suddenly remembered why he'd passed out in the first place, and sat up so quickly his head swam. The Jared on his right put out a hand to support his back, and the Jared on his left handed him a glass of water.

Yeah. This was fucked up.

~

Jared1 had a bruise on his left cheekbone, courtesy of Jared2 pushing him off of the couch when he rolled over in his sleep. They were both naked, as it seemed the spell only duplicated Jared, not the things he was wearing. Jensen tried not to snigger at the sight of the two of them going through his wardrobe trying to find clothes big enough to wear. They were both all elbows and knees, and when they were finally dressed in sweatpants and tshirts, Jensen burst out laughing.

"Shut up," Jared1 grumbled. "Your damned spell tore our favorite jeans." Jared2 nodded. "And our shirt. We loved that shirt."

Jensen snorted, trying not to laugh again at the fact that the Jareds seem to be using the royal 'we.' "Dude, that shirt was awful. And you've been wearing those jeans every damned day for as long as I can remember. 'Bout time you got some new ones."

Jared1 reached down and adjusted his bits in the sweatpants he was wearing. Jared2 poked him in the side. "What?" Jared1 complained. "His teeny pants are too tight."

"We're gonna take a shower," Jared2 announced, grabbing two of Jensen's best towels out of his cupboard and dragging Jared1 out of the room.

"Together?" Jensen yelled after them, but then his mind provided an image of two Jareds in the shower together, and suddenly he needed to see this.

The water was running already when Jensen got to the bathroom. He cracked the door open and saw two pairs of sweatpants and two tshirts lying in a puddle on the floor, and steam was billowing out of the huge shower cubicle. He entered quietly, stripping off his own clothes as he pushed the door closed, and when he opened the door to the shower, he almost came right then and there.

The Jareds were kissing. Not just a little bit of mouth-on-mouth action; no, this was full-on tongue-down-throat. They were both moaning Jared's sexass moan, their huge hands were all over each other, and Jensen must have made a funny sound in his throat as his hand closed automatically over his dick, because they both turned around at once and stared at him.

"Uh," Jensen said eloquently.

"Come on, you're letting the heat out," Jared1 said. Jared2 grinned stupidly, Jared1's arm wrapped tightly around his waist and his eyes hazy and lust-filled.

"What are you..." Jensen's voice trailed off when he saw Jared1 was jerking Jared2 off nice and slow.

"It's like masturbating," Jared2 slurred, leaning against Jared1's shoulder and mouthing his wet skin gently. "And damn, Jen, why didn't you tell me I was such a good kisser?" He turned his head and caught Jared1's mouth in another kiss, deep and wet and punctuated with groans and whimpers.

"I, uh," Jensen gulped. Jared1 reached out one long arm and grabbed Jensen's wrist, tugging him into the shower cubicle, not letting go of Jared2's mouth. Jensen felt like an intruder somehow; watching two gorgeous men making out with one another, and he cleared his throat nervously.

"Come on," Jared1 murmured, separating from Jared2 and pulling Jensen in between them. Jensen let out a throaty moan as he felt two hot, wet bodies pressing up against him, one in front and one behind. Jared2 ran his hand over Jensen's ass as he leaned over his shoulder and started kissing Jared1 again. Jensen could feel Jared2's dick pressing firmly against his ass, burning a hot trail along his skin as he slowly thrust his hips back and forwards. Jared1's hands were stroking Jensen all over; his chest, his nipples, smoothly gliding over slick flesh as they made their way down to Jensen's dick. Two hands wrapped around him, jerking him slowly as Jensen whined and moaned. He felt overwhelmed; Jareds' hair was in his eyes and on his neck and he couldn't stop watching the two of them kiss and fuck each other's mouths as he writhed between them. He almost came when he felt a third and then a fourth hand start exploring his cock and balls; lifting and smoothing and everywhere, it was too much.

"Jared..." he whined, not sure which one he was talking to. "Gonna... wanna..."

"Wanna fuck me, baby?" one of them asked, his voice low and throaty in Jensen's ear. He glanced up briefly and saw Jared2 close his eyes and lick Jared1's neck, then bite down gently on his ear. Jared1 moaned softly and thrust his hips, cock pressing against Jensen's stomach, so damned hard Jensen was surprised he was still hanging on.

"Yeah," Jensen murmured. "Yeah..."

~

Somehow, they ended up back in Jensen's room, a writhing, wet, twisting mess of limbs and tongue. Jared couldn't seem to stop kissing himself, and Jensen felt like he should perhaps be irritated by this, but all he could think was that watching two identical Jareds kissing was about the hottest thing he'd ever seen. Really, he'd probably be quite happy to just sit here and jerk off while watching those two kiss.

"Wanna fuck you," one of the Jareds - Jensen had lost track of which one was which - whispered in the other's ear. "Wanna fuck you while he watches..."

Both Jensen and the other Jared moaned simultaneously and nodded. Jensen couldn't seem to let go of his dick; he felt like he was caught in some kind of dream, with two Jareds in front of him writhing together and licking each other's mouths. One of them leaned over to the bedside table to get the lube, and while he was up, Jensen slid in next to the Jared lying on his back. He took hold of his jaw and turned his head forcefully, bringing their mouths together in a wet, languid kiss. He could hear heavy breathing off to the side as the other Jared watched, and as he fucked his tongue into Jared's mouth, a voice at his ear said, "You wanna watch, don't you? Always like watching me jerk off... such a goddamned voyeur, Jen. Are you gonna watch me fuck myself?"

Jensen groaned and kissed Jared harder, pressing his dick against Jared's thigh, reaching down to stroke Jared's own erection as the other Jared pressed his legs apart and slid two slick fingers into his ass. The Jared Jensen was kissing - it was Jared2, he realized - groaned into Jensen's mouth, hands grabbing Jensen's sides to tug him closer.

"Like that?" Jensen said softly, breaking away to grab a breath. Jared2 was thrusting his hips, pressing up hard against Jared1's fingers, and he nodded.

"Come on," Jared1 grunted, pushing Jared2's legs up and sliding between them. Jensen stopped kissing Jared2 for a moment, not wanting to miss this. As Jared1 wrapped one hand around Jared2's thigh and the other around his slick cock, Jensen took Jared2's dick in hand and started stroking.

"Get on your knees," Jensen whispered in Jared2's ear. Jared2 cocked an eyebrow at him, but did as he said, getting onto his hands and knees as Jared1 shifted around behind him. Jensen shuffled around until he was sitting at Jared2's head, and leaned down to kiss him gently, curling his fingers into Jared2's hair and tugging. Jared1 slid his fingers back inside Jared2's ass, and Jensen dragged Jared2's head down to his dick.

"You're gonna suck me while you fuck yourself," Jensen muttered, looking up and catching Jared1's eye briefly. Jared1 winked and licked his lips, taking hold of his dick in one hand and spreading Jared2's ass with the other before slowly pressing himself inside.

Jared2 grunted throatily, and Jensen couldn't help tugging on his dick as he watched the two Jareds start fucking in earnest. He combed his fingers through Jared2's thick hair, curling it around his hand and trying not to come too fast. Jared1 leaned over, kissing and licking Jared2's back, lapping up the droplets of sweat and water, moving higher until his tongue was wrapped around Jensen's fingers and Jared2's hair.

"Ohhh fuck," Jensen moaned, stroking Jared2's face with his leaking dick, Jared1's tongue swirling around his fingers. He could see Jared2 trying to catch his dick in his mouth; but Jensen wanted to tease, to torment, loving the feel of his cockhead dragging over Jared2's face, leaving glistening trails.

"Please," Jared2 begged, sweat rolling down his face as Jared1 fucked him hard and fast. Jensen finally gave in, pressing Jared2's mouth wide open and slowly feeding his dick to him. As he started thrusting gently, he felt Jared1's hand on the back of his neck, tugging him forwards for a kiss.

It was intense; they were both moaning and gasping into each other's mouths, thrusting their hips as they both fucked Jared2. Jared2 was whimpering around Jensen's dick, wrapping his hand around the base and jerking him hard and fast as he lapped at the head, sliding his tongue through the precome before sucking Jensen down as far as he could.

It was all over after that; Jensen grunted and fucked, licking and sucking Jared1's mouth as he wrapped his fingers around Jared2's jaw and came down Jared2's throat. Jared1 whimpered, and wrapped his arms around Jared2's body, falling back onto his heels and tugging Jared2 along with him.

"Suck him," Jared1 growled as he thrust his hips. Jared2 was moaning constantly, reaching around to grasp the back of Jared1's neck as he fucked himself hard. Jensen was in front of them in a moment, leaning down to take Jared2's dick in his mouth, sucking and swallowing him, feeling his own spent cock twitch as it tried desperately to get in on the action again. Jared2's giant paws tangled in his hair as he tried to fuck Jensen's mouth and fuck himself on Jared1's cock at the same time, and almost without warning, he was crying out and filling Jensen's mouth with come.

Jensen pulled away, coughing, and Jared2 groaned as his cock kept jerking and spurting, covering Jensen's lips and chin with the rest of his spunk. Jared1 increased the pace of his thrusts, and as he came, Jensen leaned over Jared2's shoulder to kiss him, grinning when Jared1's tongue darted out to catch the droplets of come on Jensen's face.

Jensen thought he might just have to pass out. That or go mad.

~

Jensen had always thought Jared was a clumsy dork who took up way too much space and had two left feet. Turned out, two Jareds were ten times as bad. They constantly bumped into things, invaded Jensen's personal space, wouldn't fit on the bed together, and Jared's dogs had been so freaked when Jensen and the Jareds went back to Jared's place that Sadie spent two hours huddled under the couch and Harley wouldn't stop growling.

"Dude, you ate all the bread," Jared1 snapped on Sunday morning. Jared2 had just wandered into the kitchen, stark naked and drying his hair.

"Says the man who drank all the coffee," Jared2 drawled, throwing himself down on a chair at the table next to Jensen. Jensen just grinned and clutched his own mug, thankful that he'd gotten to the kitchen before the Jareds had even woken up that morning.

"Be nice to yourself," Jensen said, giving them both a blazing smile when two Jared bitchfaces were turned on him at once.

The Jareds looked at each other; Jared1 giving Jared2 an up-and-down stare before stalking over to him and grabbing his jaw for a kiss.

"Morning, sunshine," Jared1 said softly, leaning in and planting his mouth against Jared2's. Jensen shifted in his seat; he would not get hard again, he just wouldn't, not after the entire day and night of solid fucking he and the Jareds had gotten up to. It was kinda hard to resist, though, when Jared2 tugged on Jared1's shirt, pulling him down till he straddled his lap. Jensen just sat back, one hand wrapped around his coffee cup and the other down his pants, and enjoyed the show.

~

By Sunday evening, the Jareds weren't talking. Jensen couldn't quite figure out what had happened - he'd left them making out on the couch, hands in each other's pants, while Jensen went to get more bread and coffee, muttering something about needing to lay in supplies for an apocalypse. When he came back, one Jared was scowling at the tv and the other one was in the kitchen, apparently throwing the crockery around.

"Dude. The fuck?" Jensen asked, crossing his arms and glaring at the Jared on the sofa.

"God, I'm such an ass!" Jared(1?) moaned, burying his face in his hands. "How the fuck do you put up with me?"

Jensen fought back a laugh. "Awww honey, what did he do to you? Did he stand on your toes? Make fun of your music? God forbid, steal your cheetos?"

Jared1 glared at him. "Stole my cheetos."

Jensen laughed for a good ten minutes, and when he finally recovered, wheezing and choking and clutching his stomach, the Jareds had made up in favor of glaring at Jensen.

"No sex for you tonight," Jared2 grumbled.

"That's okay, I'll just jerk off while you two make out. I know you can't resist yourself, you narcissist."

Jared1 punched him in the shoulder, and it turned into a three-way wrestling match on the floor.

~

"He's gonna freak," Jensen said, certain that he was gonna be $40 richer in a few minutes.

"Nah, this is Eric," Jared1 said, poking him in the side as they drove to set on Monday morning. Jensen shifted in his seat; he was still uncomfortable from the enthusiastic fucking he'd had from Jared2 an hour or so beforehand, not to mention the one he'd had the night before and also Sunday afternoon.

"Yeah, remember the time he caught me rimming you in your trailer?"

Jensen blushed. Yeah, he remembered. Eric hadn't even blinked; he'd just put the new script on the table and asked them to make sure they didn't do that in front of cameras.

"This is a bit stranger than that, Jareds," Jensen said sensibly.

As he made his way to wardrobe half an hour later, $40 poorer, Jensen cursed Eric and his inability to be shocked. He was startled out of his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder, and turned to see Eric with a frown on his face.

"Is he expecting two salaries?" Eric asked, looking worried. "Cause there ain't no way I'm employing two Jareds - hell, craft services have enough trouble keeping up with one of him!"

"Uh," Jensen said. "I dunno. You're the director, you think of something for the spare Jared to do."

Eric stared at him for a moment before turning around and stalking off, once again talking to himself and waving his arms around.

Jensen thought for a few minutes, then ducked into his trailer to check something on the internet.

~

Jensen couldn't tell the Jareds apart. They'd been put in identical clothes and makeup, and one Jared was sitting in his chair playing PSP while the other did a scene. Jensen wasn't needed right now, so he went and sat with Jared off to the sidelines, watching the other Jared do his thing.

"So, I looked up that spell I used," Jensen began. Jared turned and raised an eyebrow.

"And?"

"Uh. It's gonna wear off at some point."

"Thank god," Jared muttered. "I mean, the sex is fantastic and all, and damn I'm a good kisser, I'd love to spend a bit more time tapping that, but I'm kinda annoying and a bit of an ass."

Jensen bit his lip. "Yeah. You are," he agreed.

"So when's it gonna wear off?"

"Dunno. Could be any time. I was kinda drunk when I did it, man, and I mighta stuffed things up a little. Not sure."

"Great," Jared said, rolling his eyes. The other Jared, having finished his scene, came over to them and dragged Jared out of his seat, pushing him aside and sitting down.

"God, I'm beat," he groaned. "Your turn."

Jared rolled his eyes and headed off, and Jensen sighed, explaining all over again what was going to happen.

~

The next morning, the Jareds turned up looking sleepy-eyed and worn out. Jensen, having decided that he really needed a good night's sleep, hadn't gone home with them the night before, and was quite open about saying what a good night's sleep he'd had. The Jareds just glared at him, then went off to their trailer to make out for a while.

Halfway through the day, Jared1 was doing a scene with Jensen involving knives and guns and blood when Jared suddenly vanished, leaving only his clothes behind.

"Where'd he go?" Jensen snapped. Everyone around him shrugged, and Jensen headed over to where he'd last seen Jared2. Turned out he didn't need to worry; all he had to do was follow the laughter. Halfway to Jared's chair, he found one single Jared sitting on the ground, stark naked and begging for some clothes.

~

"So... what do you think woulda happened if the spell hadn't worn off?" Jared said idly that evening, picking up his beer and taking a swig. Jensen shrugged, flicking the channels over on Jared's TV till he found the game.

"Dunno. I reckon Eric woulda fired one of you, though. You mighta ended up working at Blockbuster or something."

"Not funny," Jared scowled, reaching over and dragging Jensen towards him. "Oh, I'm gonna kiss you now. You'll enjoy it."

Jensen rolled his eyes. "If you insist. Goddamned narcissist. I better not catch you making out with your mirror tomorrow morning."

Jared just laughed and kissed him.

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