Hit the ground running

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They're heading north towards Amarillo, and the silence is overpowering. They hadn't said much to each other since leaving Odessa that morning, apart from grunted questions about coffee and breakfast burritos. As the miles pass, the silence becomes even more deafening, and Jared grinds his teeth as he stares out the car window at the scrubby, dry landscape and the blank grey sky. He can't work out what to say; hell, he can't even work out what to think.

Jared had wanted it, he truly had. He'd got off on it in a huge way - hell, it had been Dean kneeling behind him, stroking his arms and kissing his neck which pushed him over the edge. And there were no doubts in his mind that Jensen had wanted it too. The way he and Sam had kissed while they were being fucked - Jared doesn't know what to think. He can't help but remember what Jensen had told him about his past, about how he used to sleep around a lot.

What if that's what Jensen really wants? What if Jared's holding him back from going out and having fun with other people? What if one day, Jensen tells him that he wants to have sex with others, that it doesn't mean anything and is just sex? Jared's watched tv shows with gay couples, and the overwhelming trend is one of blatant sleeping around. People who fuck around with everyone they see, then come home at night and climb into bed with their partner. Jared doesn't want to be like that, he can't be like that. And as much as he enjoyed the previous night's activities with Dean and Sam, he hopes like hell that they haven't started something that will end with Jensen leaving him.

He glances at Jensen, who's driving with his hands clenched around the wheel, a frown on his face, before turning back to the window and closing his eyes, hoping to get a bit of sleep before they get to Palo Duro Canyon.

~

The road to Amarillo is fairly featureless, and Jared's not saying anything, leaving Jensen far too much time to think. He can't help but be worried about Jared, worried about the repercussions of what they did the previous night with Sam and Dean. Jensen loved it, he fucking loved it, but the way Jared had jumped at the opportunity to act on what seemed to have been long-held fantasies about the brothers worries him. He remembers what he was like at Jared's age - doing everything and everyone he could, experimenting with anyone who was willing, going crazy with partying and alcohol, and he wonders if Jared's starting to feel the need to go through all that.

Jensen is the first guy Jared ever had sex with. The first guy he kissed, touched, loved. What if he's getting bored? What if he wants to find out if there's more to it than this and wants to see what it's like with other guys? Jensen's pretty sure there's no shortage of gay men at Jared's college who'd be perfectly willing to leap into bed with him. He himself has had all the partners he'll ever need for two lifetimes, but what if that's not enough for Jared? Jared's only nineteen, how could he possibly know what real love is?

The silence between them continues as they pass through Lubbock and north into Potter County.

~

Jared's always been pretty good at thinking the worst. He still remembers the time after his senior prom when he'd been convinced that Jensen would no longer want him, and even though he knows he had been completely wrong then, the same old fears are threatening to engulf him. Especially when he glances at Jensen and sees his face set in a tight-lipped, unhappy look.

They arrive at Canyon in the early afternoon and head out towards Palo Duro Canyon State Park, where Jensen has managed to book them into one of the cabins for the two nights they'll be staying in the area. Jared almost forgets how worried he's feeling; his nose is pressed up against the window and he stares in awe at the landscape. He's never seen anything like it; the red clay and strange rock formations, the eroded cliff faces showing millenia of different geological features. Their cabin has a magnificent panoramic view of the canyon itself, and when they get out of the car Jared just stands and stares for a long time, drinking in the scenery.

He doesn't notice Jensen standing next to him for some time, and is startled when he speaks.

"Amazing, isn't it?" he says quietly, and Jared smiles.

"Beautiful," he replies, looking directly at Jensen.

Jensen reddens slightly and all of a sudden, the wall is back and he turns away. "I'ma unpack the car, okay?"

Jared nods and turns to look back at the view for a moment before going to help Jensen.

~

They grab a couple of sandwiches from the small diner next to the visitor's center, and head out for a short walk in the canyon. It's cool, but not too cold, and Jensen ends up taking his sweater off and shoving it in his backpack. It doesn't take them long to get to the bottom of the canyon where it's shallow, and they manage to find a fairly secluded area to sit and eat their late lunch. They've made small talk for the past half hour, inconsequential comments and observations, and Jensen's clenching his teeth with frustration. Jared's eyes have a dead look, and all he can think is this is it, he's going to break up with me.

He's about to say something, about to get down on his damned knees and say please don't leave me when Jared clears his throat slightly. Jensen's heart lodges in his throat and he can't breathe; he feels dizzy and lightheaded and this can't be happening.

"Um. Jen? I think we gotta talk about something." Jared can't meet his eyes; he tears out a few blades of grass from beside his feet and shreds them systematically. He doesn't wait for an answer from Jensen before continuing, "I, um. What we did last night? Um. Have you ever done anything like that before?"

Jensen blinks, slightly confused. "No," he says. "Had a threesome once, but I didn't care two straws about either of the guys and it just wasn't good."

Jared nods and seems to be struggling to find words. "Jensen, am I holding you back?"

Jensen's taken aback. "What the hell do you mean?" he asks, confused. Why would he be holding Jared back? If anything, it's the other way round.

"Because. Um. I kinda worry that you're gonna get bored with me and what we did last night? I guess I'm kinda thinking you might decide that monogamy isn't much fun, y'know?"

Jensen takes a deep, slow breath. "Let me get this straight," he says, a hint of shock coloring his words. "You think that because of what happened last night, I'm going to decide to go back to my old ways of sleeping with random guys. I'm not going to value our relationship anymore, is that right? Jesus Christ, Jared. I thought you were smarter than that." He can't help but sound disappointed; disappointed and even a bit upset that him opening up to Jared about his past would lead to such poor judgement from Jared.

Jared looks at him, fear in his eyes. "I don't know, Jensen!" he blurts out. "I'm not exactly experienced in this whole relationship thing, y'know. I dunno if you remember, but you're the only guy I've ever been with! Forgive me that I learned pretty much everything I know about gay relationships from the TV before I met you, and our relationship isn't exactly the most normal one in the world, anyway." He gets up and walks away, but he doesn't go far. He stops down by the small creek, and Jensen sighs.

"You're right," he says, loud enough for Jared to hear. "I am the only guy you've ever been with. And it worries me, Jay." Jared doesn't move, but Jensen can tell he's listening. "I'm worried that you'll get bored with me, that you'll decide you want to branch out a little, have sex with other people, see what your other options are. I'm worried that you'll leave me." Jensen closes his eyes and leans his chin on his hands. "And something else. Remember how I told you how much I hate what sort of person I used to be? How ashamed I am of it? That hasn't changed, Jay. Not one bit. I'm not going to deny that I had a lot of fun last night, but it doesn't mean I'm going to turn back into the old me. Sam and Dean... they're a special case. I can't think of anyone else I'd ever do something like that with."

He hears footsteps on the stoney ground; Jared comes and sits next to him. "You're right, I'm sorry," he says quietly. "That was ... really really stupid of me. And just to reassure you, I'm not bored with you, and not once have I felt like I'm missing out on some great wide world because I'm with you." He clears his throat and shifts closer till his arm is brushing up against Jensen's. "I don't want to sleep around with lots of guys, I'm not that sort of person."

"You were quite keen to fuck me with Sam in the room," Jensen says quietly, not looking at Jared.

"Yeah, I was," Jared admits. "Sam's ... he's special. Him and Dean. I think they're kinda like us in some ways."

"Except for the brothers thing," Jensen adds quickly, glancing at Jared and grinning.

Jared grins back. "Yeah, except that. And a whole lot of other things which I still don't know about Sam. But I mean they're kinda like us in that I don't think anyone's ever going to be able to drive them apart, y'know? So what we did with them... it was special, and only something we could ever do with them."

Jensen sighs and leans against Jared. "We need to work on this communication thing," he says. Jared laughs, and the air seems to clear, the walls dropping back down and the worry of the past few hours fading.

~

It's late when they finally turn in, their clothes smelling like smoke from the grill outside and their bodies tired from the long day driving and walking. Jensen doesn't hesitate to curl up close to Jared, tangling their legs together and wrapping his arm around Jared's waist to keep him close.

"So I think we need some ground rules," Jensen says quietly.

"Hmm?"

"If we're going to do ... stuff. With Sam and Dean again. So we don't end up, y'know, panicking."

Jared chuckles quietly. "Good idea."

"I was thinking. And I wrote out a list. But I think I remember it all."

"You wrote out a list?" Jared laughs outright, and Jensen slaps his stomach.

"Shut up. Anyway. Number one. We're allowed to do stuff with Sam and/or Dean, but only when we're both in the room."

"Sounds about right," Jared agrees.

"Number two. It can only be Sam and/or Dean. No other guys or girls." Jensen shifts a little and moves closer, fitting his body against Jared's and nuzzling the back of his neck. "Number three. When I'm not there but Sam and Dean are, you can watch, you can jerk off if you want, but you can't touch."

Jared rolls over to face Jensen. "Are you sure?"

Jensen nods stubbornly. "Dude, it's gonna happen. You'll lie there feeling distressingly turned on but you won't touch your dick cause you'll feel guilty."

Jared nods. "True. Keep going."

"Number four. If or when we do do something with them again, we can touch them anywhere, but no fucking, and kiss them, but no mouths on cocks, balls or asses."

Jared grins at Jensen in the semi-darkness. "You're so smart," he teases.

"Yeah, and you love it," Jensen replies drowsily, pushing Jared back onto his side and wrapping his body around him again.

~

The picture wobbles, blurry, before focusing on Jensen. He grins and winks, zooming in a bit so just his face is on the screen.

"Hi, I'm Jensen Ackles. You may remember me from such films as 'Jared in stocks', 'Jared fucks me in the back seat of the car', and 'That time Jared let me film him wanking.' Today's movie is something I'd like to call 'Jared goes down.'" Jensen winks and the picture moves, swivelling around to show him lying on the bed, legs spread and naked cock hard against his belly. Jared is crouching on the bed between Jensen's legs, and he rolls his eyes when the camera zooms in on him.

"Smile," Jensen's voice says, amused, and Jared shakes his head briefly before giving a blinding grin.

"He's pretty good at this," Jensen's voice says from off camera, and Jared blushes a little. "Used to be he didn't like the taste of come, and he couldn't get more than an inch or two in. But now?" Jared leans down and licks Jensen's balls, and Jensen hums happily before continuing the commentary. "He goes all the way down."

Jared rolls his eyes at what Jensen's saying before taking the head of his dick in his mouth and sucking lightly. Jensen's breath hitches, and Jared winks, opening his mouth wide and swallowing Jensen's dick all the way down, just like Jensen said he could. There's a muffled groan from off camera, and Jensen's hand appears, fingers combing through Jared's hair and holding his head close.

"I was the one who taught him how to suck cock," Jensen says quietly. "Nobody else has had their dick anywhere near Jared. He's got my name painted all over him in my come." He slides a finger inside Jared's mouth, next to his dick, and moans loudly. "Do you like it?" he asks Jared, stopping his commentary. "Do you like that you've only ever sucked me? You ever wanna suck anybody else?"

Jared groans, writhing, not even pulling away to give a proper answer, but it's written all over his face and is visible on film. God... never.

"I taught him how to fuck, too," Jensen's commentary continues, and his hips start bucking up as he holds Jared's head still, fucking his wide open mouth and throat. Jared's eyes close and his hands tighten around Jensen's hips, letting him abuse his mouth, use him. "I'm the only one who's been inside his ass. I'm the only one he's ever fucked. And that ain't gonna change, no way. He... the first time we fucked, oh fuck, that first time? He was such a little slut. A fuckin' virgin, begging for my cock up his ass." Jensen stops, groans, his wet cock slipping out of Jared's mouth and sliding over his face, Jared's tongue licking up droplets of precome as he grins up at the camera.

"Fuck, keep going," Jensen gasps, and Jared obliges, sucking him down and making the most sinful sounds of pleasure as he does so. "He's so fucking good, so good, such a good boy," Jensen almost croons, petting Jared's hair, letting the tangled strands slip through his fingers as he fucks Jared's mouth. "Feels so good. He... he does this little thing with his tongue sometimes... do the thing with your tongue, baby, fuck yeah. Yeah. God, he's so pretty. So fucking gorgeous, and he's mine, no one else is ever gonna have him." Jensen's breath hitches, his movements speeding up, and he breathes out, "Straight fucking As in cocksucking, this one. Nobody's ever sucked my cock like Jared." The picture zooms in on Jensen's dick sliding in and out of Jared's mouth, his lips wet and swollen and abused, and there's a choked moan from off camera as Jensen comes, hard, filling Jared's mouth with his come. Jared moans and swallows, trying to take it all, and only a little dribbles out the corner of his mouth, a small droplet which he licks up and swallows as well, letting Jensen's cock go and grinning proudly up at the camera.

"Like I said," Jensen's breathy voice says, "no one's ever sucked my cock like Jared, and no one else ever will."

There's a brief tussle over ownership of the camera, and when the picture focuses again, it's showing Jensen, blissed out and relaxed on the bed, his face red and damp with sweat and exertion, a look of pure satisfaction on his face. The picture turns again and shows Jared, a grin on his face. "Next time, I'll put him in the stocks. That'll be fun." He winks, and the video cuts out.

Sam blinks and stares at his laptop screen, his hand pressed against his hard dick. He bites his lip and glances over at Dean, who's still asleep, before making a split-second decision to take the laptop over to the bed. Hell, it's not like they had anywhere to be today.

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